Wands of Alchemy
by Kame-tan
Summary: Ed is sent to Hogwarts to help the DADA teacher purge the school of "rebellious" students and teachers; however, can Ed stay true to his mission or will he end up on the side of the people he is supposed to be arresting? T rating.
1. The bastard and the midget

Wands of Alchemy

Kame-the-turtle: Konnichiwa! If you are reading this line, then I already like you and you get cookies (hands out a big platter with all kinds of cookies on it). Anyway, I finally decided to get my feet wet with a FMA-HP crossover. Actually, I really like this combination, though some people may say it's a bit clichéd. Well, you know the drill: this takes place in Harry Potter 5. However, I don't have my HP 5 book with me, so bear with me. As far as where in the FMA timeline, I honestly don't know where to begin. I guess I can make it after the Lab 5 incident (anime based. As much as I love the manga, I think it may just complicate the HP storyline). Now to the story!

Disclaimer: If I owned, this fic would be in the book/manga

* * *

Chapter 1: the bastard and the midget

It was another busy day in Central, especially at Central Military headquarters; well, it was a busy day everywhere except the office of Colonel Roy Mustang. With Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye gone for the moment, the Flame Alchemist took a break from his ever-present stack of paperwork without having to fear for his life. While he talked on the phone, Jean Havoc sat nearby smoking a cigarette, using his desk as a foot rest; Heymans Breda and Vato Falman were in a corner of the room playing shogi. Everything was normal-well, as normal as it usually was when the dreaded gun-toting female wasn't around- including the door flying open with a bang to reveal the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother Alphonse.

"Hey Boss," Havoc greeted, "How'd the mission go?" Ed gave him a what-the-hell-how-do-you-think-the-mission-went glare.

"Better luck next time Boss," Havoc responded with a smirk. Ed stomped to the couch and sat down next to Al, listening to Mustang's conversation.

"Yes Genevea, I remembered. I'll be over at the usual time. Don't forget to wear that red dress you bought the other day….No, not that one, the one that looks really easy to rip off…of course I'll do that…" he purred. Ed shot the Colonel a look of disgust. Mustang frowned slightly at Ed, but perked up when he said, "Yes, we'll go there tonight. Ok, I need to get off the phone, there's a disgruntled midget sitting on my couch. See you tonight. Bye"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A MIDGET COULD SIT ON HIM AS A STOOL?!"

"Brother, please stop shouting," Al sighed. Mustang smirked; goading Ed about his height was his favorite pastime.

"I guess your last mission didn't go too well."

"Damn straight it didn't go too well! And you KNEW that I wouldn't find anything out there, you presumptuous asshole!" Ed said.

The door flew open before Mustang could respond, and to everyone's relief, Kain Furey rushed toward Mustang with a manila envelope marked PRORITY ONE RANKED MISSION.

"Here Sir, this is Edward's next mission. It came directly from the Furher himself!" Furey squeaked.

As he skimmed the file, Mustang shook his head. "He can't be serious"

"What is it!?" Ed shouted in impatience.

The Colonel simply handed Ed the files; he was utterly pissed by time he reached the last line.

"What the hell is this?!"

"Your next mission" Mustang replied with annoyance.

Al crept behind his speechless brother and read the mission out loud.

_To Colonel Mustang:_

_Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, is hereby assigned the mission of aiding Dolores Jane Umbridge, the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, with apprehending, questioning, detaining and purging all rebellious characters from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is to go undercover as a student and help capture any person that is spreading seditious lies about a certain Dark Wizard. The Wizarding community has experienced several events that have set it on edge and damage control is needed before the peace erupts in chaos and fear. He is also to aid in helping to purge the school of unworthy teachers. The Furher also requests for the Fullmetal Alchemist to research this 'magic' and all of its components, find out more about the people and how they utilize this power, and the strength this power posses. A report is to be turned in to Colonel Mustang at the end of every month, who will then proceed to send it to the Furher. Once the mission is complete, all research notes will be turned in and the Fullmetal Alchemist is to give a demonstration of this 'magic' and its properties._

_This mission supersedes any other Fullmetal may be currently assigned to and he must be ready to travel to the Ministry of Magic in London, England in three days time. _

A very pregnant silence followed; after several minutes, Havoc recovered first.

"So let me get this straight. The Fuher-who apparently investigated this matter himself-wants Ed to go to a magic school in a foreign country to learn magic and round up some snot nosed brats their own government couldn't handle?"

The room exploded into laughter.

"I guess Ed's gonna learn some stuff to add _to his bag of magic tricks_!" Breda roared.

"Soon Ed will be known as the Full-_Magic_-Alchemist!" Havoc said.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Ed said.

"Oho, we don't want Ed getting mad at us; he may curse us in our sleep!" Breda said.

"I won't do it. There is no way this magic stuff is real!" Ed said.

"You don't have much of a choice Fullmetal." Mustang replied smoothly. "To refuse a direct order from the Furher is a death sentence."

Al placed a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Brother, we should go. I don't think this is magic, but maybe some form of alchemy. Maybe that's the reason why the Furher is taking this mission so seriously. The research can probably help us with-"

"-finding another way the make the Philosopher's Stone." Ed said. "You're right Al. This may be the break we were searching for."

"Al can't come with you on this mission," Mustang said.

Ed froze and everyone braced for the explosion.

"WHAT!? Why can't he come!? Al travels with me all the time on missions! Why does it matter now?!"

"Colonel, do I really have to stay behind?" Al asked. "You know how Brother is when I'm not around."

"This mission is not like the other missions. Fullmetal is about to go to a foreign country and work undercover! No offenses to you Al, but you are a seven foot tall suit of armor. How can you be inconspicuous?"

Ed crossed his arms and stubbornly held his ground. "If they believe that alchemy is magic, then Al won't be an issue."

"But you don't know for sure how their alchemy operates. Besides, what if someone finds out about his secret? What will you do then?"

Ed mulishly glared at the Colonel. "This violates the terms Mustang! When I became a State Alcehmist, I said I would do anything and go anywhere as long as Al and I were not separated."

"That term cannot apply to such an important, high ranking mission the Furher personally assigned to you."

"Brother, it's okay, just go on the mission," Al said, effectively cutting his brother off. "You can't say no to the Furher, and the information from this mission can be really helpful. You can't let this chance go."

"Al, I am not leaving you behind," Ed said.

"Brother, I'll be okay. Just call or write to me when you get the chance. Besides, you deserve the opportunity to…to be around people your age." Al replied. "Go, and have fun Brother. Have fun…for the both of us."

Heaving a sigh, Ed relented. "Ok Al, I'll go. And I seriously doubt if I will be having fun at any place where people believe alchemy is some kind of 'magic'."

"Alright, you have three days to make sure you have everything you need for the trip Fullmetal," Mustang remarked with his trademark smirk. "Who knows, maybe you could find a _growing_ spell in addition to some information about the Stone."

"Screw you!" Ed stormed out of the office and into the hallway, with gales of laughter ringing in his ears. In his anger, he bumped into Hawkeye returning to the office with a small stack of paperwork.

"Sorry Lieutenant," Al apologized while bending down to help her.

"Yeah, sorry Lieutenant," Ed muttered, helping to clean up the mess he made.

"No, it's okay," she smiled warmly, then frowned at the commotion in the office.

"Have a nice day," Al said as she gathers the remaining papers. Ed, wearing an evil smirk, rushed to open the door and was pleased at the pale, terrified faces he saw. Three seconds later, the sound of people running for cover and screams were heard, followed by several gunshots. _Hmph. That's what those bastards get_ Ed thought smugly.

* * *

Kame: Soooooo………what did you think? Sorry if it seems like a lot of dialogue, but I like to explain things as thoroughly as possible so no one misunderstands and the premises for the rest of the story are set. FEEDBACK ONEGAISHIMASU! If you leave feedback, I'll give you either a hippogriff or a chibi Envy.

**Next chapter**: The Toad and the Fly that got away


	2. The Toad and the Fly that got away

Kame: wow, you guys have been fantastic with the reviews! I want to thank The-Panda-Queen, Trasyn123, EdwardCullenIsCoolerThanYou, Abhorsen21 and YOUTHFULwolfie5122 for the reviews [btw, here's your hippogriff YOUTHFULwolfie5122 (hands over a thick chain with a huge hippogriff tethered to it and runs like crazy) and Abhorsen21, here's your chibi Envy (chucks Envy out of her window and hides under the bed)]. I also want to thank all of the people who added me and my story to their alerts of favorites list. It moves my heart to think that my story is so well liked that people actually want to keep track of it! (sniff)

Comments inspire me to think about my story, which in turn motivates me to write, which results in another chapter for you awesome readers! Keep up the reviews!

Explanation: When I read other HP/FMA crossovers, I realize people seem to assume that Amestrian is the same as English, and that's good enough. If Amestris is based off of industrial Revolution Europe, specifically Germany, then the language would resemble German, which is not the same as English. So basically, Ed speaks Amestrian and Harry and the others speak English. By the way, the reason I pointed out this distinction now is that it's gonna be important later.

Disclaimer: c'mon people, really? I only own Gerald Alder.

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Chapter 2: The Toad and the Fly that got away

Ed stared out the window as the car drove down Central's narrow streets. This morning Mustang received a letter-delivered by an owl, of all things- stating to take Ed to some abandoned building so he can be picked up. The bizarre request immediately aroused suspicion on the location and the method of transportation (_Major Edward Elric will be traveling via Portkey with Ministry personnel_).

"What the hell is a Portkey?" Mustang muttered from the front passenger seat. Riza, the driver, said nothing and kept her eyes on the road.

"Maybe it's a special key that poofs you from place to place?" Havoc chuckled, earning an elbow in the side from the small blonde sitting next to him. Havoc still found this entire event hilarious, but most of his jokes and smart remarks were cut short by Ed's threat that if they continued, Havoc would soon be on disability leave from the military.

"Geeze, Boss, it's just a joke..." Havoc wheezed. Ed scorched him with his glare and resumed staring out the window.

_What a stupid mission_ Ed thought as the car stopped in front of their destination. Everyone got out dressed in civilian clothing and warily approach the building. Mustang was in the lead, followed by Riza and Jean and Ed at the back; the entire group was tense and prepared for the slightest signs of aggression. When they entered the building, the first person they saw was a man wearing orange and green Bermuda shorts with a long sleeve light blue dress shirt and a sombrero on his head.

"What the hell is he wearing?" Ed blurted out loud.

The man said something in another language.

"I'm sorry; we do not understand what you are saying," Riza said slowly. The others took their attention away from the man's clothes and noticed the two men entering the room. The sombero man had a thoughtful look on his face, and then pulled out a thin stick of wood. Riza, sensing the movement, pointed her gun towards the man. The tension in the room climbed as sombrero man watched Riza with the gun in his hand with a look of amusement. The man suddenly pointed the stick at his hands and shouted some more strange words. Mustang and the others watched as white light erupt out of the stick and molded into an ear. A look of extreme disgust crossed everyone's face.

_What the Hell?!? _Ed thought. _How did he do that!?!_

The man held out the device with an encouraging look on his face. Ed stared at the…"ear" in repulsion. The man held the "ear" in his hand to his own, then pointed to his mouth. Ed caught on, slowly reaching for the "ear". Shuddering, he picked the "ear" up and held it close to his left one. The ear suddenly clasped onto Ed's own ear. He felt something crawling up his ear canal. He shuddered again.

"Ok, now what?" he asked, causing the man to smile.

"Finally, you can understand us! It took me a minute to understand why everyone was looking so defensive."

"What-and how did you do that?" Havoc asked.

"Well, I didn't realize that we would speak different languages so I created a translator that allows the speaker to read, write and understand English," the man said. "The object has a projection radius of about twenty yards, so anyone within that range will be affected. As to how I did it, I used magic. Incidentally, do you happen to be Major Edward Elric?"

"Yea…and what do you mean you used 'magic?'" Ed asked. "What kind of alchemy allows a person to make a ear that can translate languages?"

Gerald looked uncomfortable, while his two escorts looked dumbstruck.

"Well, that's not important right now. My name is Gerald Alder. I am a member of the Department of Magical Transportation. The other two, Savage and Proudfoot, are Aurors."

"Auror?" Mustang said.

"A Dark Wizard catcher. I believe the muggle equivalent would be your military." (1)

"I take it then that a muggle is a non-magical person," Mustang said.

"Yes, that's correct," Gerald said. "I hate to leave without giving a proper explanation, but the Portkey will be ready to leave soon; portkeys are very precise, and it would be terrible to miss it."

"Well, could you at least tell us what a Portkey is, Sir?" Riza asked.

"A Portkey is an unobtrusive object that is enchanted to transport people to an area,"Gerald said. "Since Major Edward Elric is not a wizard, he cannot Apparate, and Side-Along Apparation is risky in this circumstance so Portkeys are a safer alternative. Apparate is to disappear into thin air and reappear somewhere else."

"We have about two minutes before its time for us to go, so we need to get ready." replied Gerald, pulling out a candy wrapper and holding it out."You need to touch a part of the Portkey for you to travel with us."

"Wait, you mean to tell me a piece of trash is going to transport us to London?" Ed asked.

"Yes, and I advise you to touch this piece of 'trash' if you don't want to be left behind." Gerald said blandly.

"Fullmetal touch the wrapper," Mustang commanded. Ed scowled but obeyed.

"I'm sorry for leaving under such-confusing- circumstances, but I will have one of my secretaries send a detailed letter explaining the travel arrangements. And don't worry; we will do our best to protect the Major from any harm, seeing as he is one of your best and most prized alchemists."

"Make sure he returns in one piece," Mustang said, looking Ed straight in the eye.

Gerald counted down to the exact time of their departure.

"3…2…1" Before Ed could say goodbye, he felt a jerk behind his navel somewhere and all of a sudden he was pulled forward at an alarming speed, his finger sticking to the wrapper. As he bumped against the two Aurors next to him he wondered if it was common for people to become detached from the Portkeys while traveling; the thought made him close his eyes for the duration of the trip.

**********

When he finally landed on solid ground, Ed used the little pride he still possessed to resist the temptation to kiss the ground.

"Ok, let's get a move on," Gerald said after brushing himself off.

"Man, I always hate traveling by Portkey," Proudfoot grumbled.

"C'mon kid, move forward" Savage said while nudging Ed to move.

Ed started to respond but stopped when he saw where he was. It was a beautiful, large room with dozens of brick fireplaces lining the wall. He watched in disbelief as witches and wizards came and went from the flames. The deep royal blue ceiling contrasted sharply with the gold symbols swirling on it, causing the symbols to glow. As he walked, a large stone fountain with a witch, a wizard and several unfamiliar creatures came into view. At the bottom of the fountain were silver and copper coins shining in the sunlight. The group moved towards the lifts, each with a pair of golden grilles in the front. Ed noticed someone else in their lift; a short, chunky witch with some weird looking papers in her hand (_is that parchment?_). She spotted Ed, the two Aurors and Gerald.

"Hey Gerald, what's with the kid? Is here on trial too?" the witch asked, earning a glare from Ed.

"No, Gladys he's here to help Dolores at Hogwarts. Why do you mention a trial?"

"Don't tell me you didn't know the Potter boy's trial is today?"

"Actually, I forgot about it," Gerald admitted.

"Well, I don't see how, especially since it's gonna interfere with your chances to see Dolores. She's sitting in on the case, so her office is locked."

"What the heck am I supposed to do with the kid then?" he asked.

"I am not a kid," Ed snapped, "and I am perfectly capable of watching myself."

Ignoring Ed's comment, Gerald asked, "Where is the trial being held?"

"Courtroom 10 in the dungeons, by the Department of Mysteries"

Gerald jabbed the button to get off the lift and caught one going in the opposite direction. They passed the security desk again and took some stairs down to the dungeon area, following two bespectacled people a bit farther ahead; one was a boy who appeared to be around Ed's age and a tall, thin balding man with red hair. As they descended, Ed felt the air becoming colder and the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. They stopped outside of a door in a dimly lit corridor, although there was enough light for Ed to see the red haired man talking to the boy before ushering him into the room. The man stood nervously at the door before turning to go.

"Hey Arthur, what brings you down here?" Gerald asked.

"I just dropped Harry off for his trial. I hope it turns out well," The red haired man named Arthur said. He saw Ed with the two Aurors.

"Is he in trouble as well?"

"No, he needs to talk to Umbridge about something," Gerald responded. Arthur frowned; however, instead of asking any questions, he brushed past the group and headed up the stairs.

"OK, this is getting really annoying, and I have things I need to do," Gerald said. "Proudfoot, stay here with Major Elric and wait until Dolores is done. I'm about to go to my office to get started on all of that blasted paperwork."

Gerald and Savage left Ed and Proudfoot in front of the door. Neither said a word to the other, and both settle with glaring at each other. Two minutes into their contest, a man appeared down the hallway, wearing clothes more bizarre than Gerald and his sombrero. He was wearing long robes of a midnight blue, with a cloak swishing behind him. His high heeled buckle boots clicked loudly in the silence, and his long white beard seemed to sparkle in the dimness. Half-moon glasses sat on top of a rather crooked nose and his bright blue eyes reminded Ed of an ocean—calm, twinkling and relaxing, but powerful forces were contained just below the surface. Without even knowing this man's name or position, Ed felt a rare twinge of respect for him. The man entered the room without saying a word.

_The_ _people here have the worst sense of style I have ever seen_. _Well, I better make a note of that when I write my report to Colonel Bastard._ After ten minutes of silence, the door opened and people filed out just as the red haired man appeared again. Some people acknowledged him as they make their way upstairs while others avoided eye contact. The last group of people to leave was a portly man holding a lime-green bowler, followed by a young man with horn-rimmed glasses and a squat, flabby-faced woman with a bow perched in her hair.

_Ugly toad bitch _Ed immediately thought when the woman paused to look at the black haired boy. Ed could sense disappointment in the woman's look. _Like a toad that's mad cause the fly got away_ he thought idly. She turned her gaze to Ed.

"Why is there a child down here?" she simpered in a girly voice Ed wasn't expecting. He gave her his look of utter pissed-off'dness (2).

"He's here for you about the school," Proudfoot whispered.

"Let's go to my office," the toad faced woman said, brushing past the black haired boy and red-haired man watching them.

Ed became nauseous when he entered the woman's office; it was covered in dollies and frilly lacey things that would make the girliest girl cringe. Behind her desk was a picture of four brightly colored kittens with wide round eyes.

_If Al ever brought home a kitten like that, I would disown him_ Ed thought while watching the repulsive kittens play. The toad lady took her place behind her desk.

"Proudfoot, you may wait outside the door. You, boy can sit." Ed considered ignoring the request, but heeded her command.

"I am Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister and your boss for this mission."

Ed held back a snort at this last part and but replied, "I'm Major Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, the one who was requested to complete this mission."

"Yes, yes, yes I can see that," Umbridge said impatiently, waving her hand at the comment. "It's hard to believe there is a country that actually allows children to enter the military; I was under the impression that you would be older. You must be no older than 12 years old!" she laughed.

_I don't like hitting girls; it's not my style...But this bitch is really pushing it_.

"I'm not 12, I'm 15, and the military doesn't allow children to enlist. I was the exception," He said coolly. Umbridge took an interest in the boy in front of her and leaned closer to his face.

"And why were you the exception, Major Elric?"

"Because it is none of your business, and seeing as it doesn't relate to this mission in any way, not important." Umbridge sat back slowly, disappointment etched in her face.

"Why, Major Elric, not to offend you in any way," Umbridge said with her voice most definitely implying the opposite, "but I must make sure you are the skilled alchemist Amestris claims you are. Let me see the reason why they allowed a little boy to join the army."

_This bitch not only insults my skills but my intelligence_. _If she wants to play games, let's go._

"Are you saying that you want me to demonstrate some of my alchemy?" Ed asked in slight surprise.

"Yes, let me see what Amestris's finest is capable of."

"You want me, a military officer trained in combat alchemy, to show or demonstrate to you the very alchemy capable of killing thousands?" Ed questioned. Umbridge didn't answer.

"Do you know anything about alchemy?" Ed asked in an innocent tone, secretly laughing at the look on Umbridge's face.

"You are not to question me. I am the one in charge and asking the questions here," Umbridge said in a cold tone, "and I am confident in my abilities as a Ministry official to counter any of your attacks or techniques. I seriously doubt whether the military would teach someone as young as you anything as dangerous as you claim, no matter how much of a prodigy you may be. "

Ed sat still for a moment, with Umbridge leering at him, mocking his age, skills, intelligence, his whole life, and most importantly his reasons for being in the military.

_Let's see if you can handle my talents... _

In the flash of a second, a loud hand clap reverberated in the air and a spike shot from the desk and stopped about a quarter of an inch from Umbridge's forehead. She stared at the spike, her round bulging eyes practically about to pop out of her head.

_You better think twice about insulting me again_.

"Well, Major Elric, that was certainly…interesting. You are quite the skilled alchemist. I will not be disappointed," Umbridge said as she waved her wand and the spike disappeared.

"Now to business. I am sure you are already aware of what I am trying to do at Hogwarts."

"Actually, I'm not," Ed said bluntly. "I have no ideas why you want me there."

"But certainly you must know; it was stated in the request I sent," Umbridge said in a tone of forced sweetness.

"I do not know the situation of this country or its politics; the request simply contained a lot of vague references to rebellious characters and groups," Ed replied in a monotone voice.

"Then I will fill you in. Many years ago, there was a powerful Dark Wizard who created a lot of terror and chaos in the Wizarding community. He was vanquished about 15 years ago. The Wizarding community was in relative peace until the Triwizard Tournament was hosted about a year ago. A student was killed in a freak accident and the other student who survived claimed the Dark Wizard came back to life. The student in question has a troubled past and a history of hallucinations and outrageous lies. When we arrive at Hogwarts, you will especially have to keep an eye on him and report any suspicious activities. He also informed the headmaster of the school of the event, and the headmaster, as much as I used to respect him, believes the lies of this student and is actually helping to spread them across the country. He also must be watched. We suspect the headmaster to be involved in a rebellious group and a few of the teachers as well. Here is a picture of the two suspects."

Umbridge handed a moving black and white picture of two people. Ed recognized both people in the picture as the black haired boy he saw earlier at the courtroom and the man with the long white beard.

"What's their names?" he asked indifferently as he stared at the picture of the boy.

"Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter."

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Kame: Ok, that was a lot longer than I expected. Did I get everything right (all of the HP stuff is strictly from memory). Was everyone in character? I know Ed was kinda quiet in the Ministry up till Umbridge's office, but I figured that as rude and brash as Ed is, he is most definitely not stupid, and he has enough sense to have some sort respect towards the government officials of another country (he has no idea of their rank or level of power, and he has to stay in that country for a while). Sorry if this dragged a bit. I decided to scrap the scene about the wizard at the security desk and the interaction between Harry. Lucius, Fudge, and Arthur Weasely cause this story is predominately about Ed and that exchange isn't important. Also, I was wondering if the chapter titles are appropriate for each chapter.

(1)- I'm not sure if it's the same thing, but I remembered that the magical law enforcement people are more like the police, so aurors would be like S.W.A.T, but I don't think Amestris has anything like that, so I made it the military.

(2)- Yes, pissed-off'dness is a word I made up specifically for Ed. It will be his special word (and look) for the rest of the fic.

PS: If you like this story, try out my FMA-Trigun crossover The Blonde, Bold and Obtuse. It's located in the FMA section! Please read and review it so i can update it!

Questions, comments, concerns? Then review^^

The next chapter: Magic Shopping in Diagon Alley


	3. Magic Shopping in Diagon Alley

Kame: (sniff) you guys are the best…ever! I really love all of the support from everyone! This chapter is dedicated to all of those people who either reviewed or added to their alerts/favorites section. Oh, I went home for the Memorial Day weekend and searched high and low for my 5th Harry Potter with no success; I guess the book crawled under my bed and disintegrated or something…Speaking of Harry Potter, my school is actually having a Harry Potter party, with costumes and everything! It reminded me of that scene from Yes Man! Lol! Anyway, I want some feedback on the title of the chapters; I hate to nit-pick, but I feel that the title of a chapter is just as important as the content, for it sets the mood and alerts the reader to what's going to happen. I hope you enjoy another serving of Wands of Alchemy!

Comments inspire me to think about my story, which in turn motivates me to write, which results in another chapter for you awesome readers! Keep up the reviews!

Disclaimer: Pretty obvious

* * *

Chapter 3: Magic shopping in Diagon Alley

"What's their names?" Ed asked indifferently as he stared at the picture of the boy.

"Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter."

_Dumbledore must be the old geezer, cause I can't imagine any kid with such a name, even if they are weirdos_.

"Okay, how am I gonna keep an eye on this Harry Potter kid?"

Umbridge bared her pointy little teeth in a sickly sweet smile. "Hogwarts is a boarding school, so you will be placed in the same house as the boy."

"House?"

"Yes, house. Hogwarts has four houses for the students and you will be sorted into the house appropriate for your character through the Sorting Hat. However, you will be placed in Hogwarts under the disguise of a foreign exchange student from…" Umbridge paused, "…let's say America. Yes, yes, that will work quite nicely. If we tell people the actual name of the country you come from and anyone gets suspicious, it would be too easy to research you and find out about your true profession, Mr. Child Prodigy. A child from a foreign military will arose too much attention."

"Sure, whatever," Ed answered indifferently.

"Okay Major Elric," Umbridge began, "You might want to do some research on America so you can answer any questions students and staff may have and be convincing about your identity."

_What the hell is up with all this damn research!? _

"And, you will also have to go to Diagon Alley to get your school supplies."

"School supplies?"

"Of course. You honestly don't think that you will pose as a student and not have any supplies? And I thought you were supposed to be a genius." Umbridge replied with mirth in her voice. Ed bit back the insult he longed to fling at Umbridge and settled with crossing his arms and glaring back.

"Ministry officials will help you do your shopping another day. Until then, you will be staying in the Leaky Cauldron. After you get all of the necessary things for school, you will then stay at the Leaky Cauldron until transportation has been arranged for you to travel to Hogwarts and meet with Dumbledore. That is all for today. I suggest you come up with a good cover story and be sure to let me know what it is."

Ed stood up and walked towards the door; however, he sensed Umbridge's expectant gaze and turned around to meet it with an annoyed frown.

"What?"

"You did not salute me Major Elric," Umbridge responded.

_This lady is really on some power trip._ Smirking Ed countered, "Sorry, reserved for military personnel only", and walked out before Umbridge could retort.

* * *

At the Leaky Cauldron, Ed went straight to his bed and collapsed. Breathing in deeply he inhaled the smell of freshly laundered sheets.

_This has been the weirdest and most exhausting day I've ever had…_He relaxed for a moment, then flipped on his back to reflect on the day's events.

_This entire mission seems suspicious. Why do they need someone from another country's military to help them with a school? And why is it so important for Umbridge to stop this Harry boy and the old geezer from spouting stories about Dark Wizards and stuff. Why does it even matter if the stories are not true, unless they are? Could the ministry here be trying to do a cover up?_

_I wouldn't be surprised if this was a cover up; that Umbridge woman is definitely evil enough for something like this. As much as an evil bitch she may be, however, I agree with her on one thing; Harry's story must be some type of lie. No one can come back from the dead, no matter how much power they have; not even a Philosopher's Stone can bring back the soul once it passes on._

Ed sighed and turned to look at the small table next to the bed. On top of it was his pocket watch, some papers about the history of Hogwarts and the profile of the two people he would have to keep an eye on. He reached over and picked up the profile about Dumbledore, remembering the man who strode by him and Proudfoot back in ministry headquarters.

_I can already tell this guy is not going to be easy to track, _he groaned inwardly. He looked at Harry's profile.

_Interesting, this says that Harry was responsible for getting rid of Lord Bodament, or whatever his name is, in the first place. Why would he lie about his resurrection? Could he be mentally unstable? But if he were crazy, he wouldn't be allowed to interact with normal people. _

…_okay, maybe not normal, but at least sane. Maybe the government feels threatened by his alchemic power?_

Another piece of paper fell from the profile Ed was holding. It was the list he received earlier about his school supplies.

_What the hell is this? Do they really need all of this stuff for their alchemy? That's another thing that bothers me about this place; their alchemy seems 'strange' to say the least. I haven't seen anyone use a circle since I've been here. How are they able to do it? I know they all couldn't have seen the Gate._

_...There must be circles on those sticks or something. But that doesn't explain the lack of Equivalent Exchange. _

Ed thought back to what Umbridge said about arranging transportation and the 'portkey' he used to arrive here.

_Did they use atmospheric alchemy to transport me here? And here I thought they were going to say something about flying on broomsticks or dragons. _Looking back at the list, Ed reflected, _well, maybe some of these strange books can tell me how this 'magic' alchemy works. I'll do my report to Mustang after I get my school books. _

With a yawn and a stretch, the Fullmetal Alchemist settled down to sleep.

**********

Ed only had to wait a day before Ministry wizards were banging on his door early in the morning to take him shopping. Grumpy and annoyed at being awaken from a very rare good sleep, he ignored the knocks and complaints from the disgruntled wizards and got ready for the day.

"Man, this kid is slow…I thought they trained military people to be as fast as possible in their movements?" a familiar voice said.

"I don't understand why it takes this arrogant, snot-nosed bratty little twerp so long-"

BAMN! The door swung open on the face of the wizard.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT A SNEEZE WOULD BLOW HIM INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!?"

"We didn't say all of that kid…um I mean Sir," Savage said, forgetting about Ed's rank in the military.

Proudfoot emerged from behind the door, his nose broken and bleeding.

"What the bloody hell…" he moaned in pain.

"Ok, we need to get a move on; we have a lot of stuff to buy for today," Savage said as he pulled out his wand and cleaned the blood from Proudfoot's nose. "Um, I'm not too good with healing fractures, so you have to wait till we get back and hope we can find someone to fix it."

Proudfoot touched his now clean face, wincing as he accidently brushed his nose. "S'no problem" he muttered.

The group headed downstairs and out the back door, entering a small courtyard. Ed saw Savage tap a brick three times with his wand and an archway materialized out of nowhere, exposing a very peculiar street. The narrow street was lined with shops selling things Ed never thought existed. Witches and wizards of every age, shape, size and color strolled up and down the street, looking into the various stores with shopping bags and occasionally cages. Ed stared in shock until he felt a pain in his side.

"C'mon, what's the first thing on the list already?" Proudfoot asked after elbowing Ed in the ribs.

"I need some robes, a cauldron, a bunch of weird ingredients and stuff I never heard of, spell books from first year to fifth year, an owl, cat, rat or toad and a _wand. _We can get everything else today; I can come back for the books on my own."

The Ministry wizards look relieved. _Bunch of spineless lazy idiots,_ Ed fumed. The group proceeded down the street to Madame Malkins Robes for All Occasions. Ed entered the store alone.

"Hello dear, getting your Hogwarts robes?" Madame Malkin asked.

"Yeah" Madame Malkin pulled a stool forward and motioned for Ed to step on it.

"Okay I need you to take off your shoes and jacket so I can measure you."

He flinched slightly at the idea of someone measuring him, and then took off his coat and shoes. He was grateful that he decided to put socks on. In less than twenty minutes Ed was out the shop with several black robes for school.

The next shop Ed and his small entourage visited was the apothecary shop, with barrels of beetle eyes and unicorn horns sitting close to the entrance. Admittedly, Ed was fascinated with the ingredients, but some of the more unpleasant ingredients, like the dragon liver and troll snot, made his skin crawl. Since he didn't want a pet of any kind, Ed only had to get a wand.

_Why would I bother with a piece of wood that does alchemy when I can simply clap my hands_?

"Is a wand really necessary?" he asked dully.

"You need a wand to enter Diagon Alley; if you don't have one, you can't get your books. Besides, having a wand will help you to blend in with the other students at the school. People will be suspicious of a kid who can do magic without a wand," Savage reasoned.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Ed said as the trio approached a small store with a sign saying _Ollivander's, Makers of fine wands since 832 BC._

* * *

Kame:…chapter redone! Hmm, seems like I turned this into a filler chap. Oh well…Btw, the "school" Ed mentions is actually based off of my school.

The next chapter: A wand of alchemic possibilities


	4. A Wand of Alchemic Possibilities

Kame: ok folks, I'm back! I think I will use this space to address some of the reviews and comments I received

PedroCullenBloomTM: thanks a lot^^

ShiroandFubuki: yeah, I am actually considering going back and redoing the chapter, but I really want my HP book so I can see how the scene in Diagon Alley played out (I'm pretty sure I missed something important.) So as soon as I find a HP 5 book, I'll go back and fix it up.

: thanks a lot, and don't worry, I will

The-Panda-Queen: …T^T…not funny, but thanks 4 the good stuff^^

Starburstia: Thanks a lot. I actually had the intention of making the last chapter a lot longer, but I want to make the scene in Ollivander's as detailed as possible cause its soo important…plus, that means I would still be working on chapter 3 and you guys wouldn't have any updates to read

Comments inspire me to think about my story, which in turn motivates me to write, which results in another chapter for you awesome readers! Keep up the reviews!

Disclaimer: yes I own both HP and FMA…on Opposite Day

* * *

Chapter 4: A Wand of Alchemic Possibilities

Ed entered the shop alone again. The moment he crossed the threshold, he felt a strange tingling sensation in the palm of his hand, similar to the feeling of using alchemy. The little shop had the air of an abandoned section of a library: silence and dust resided everywhere, but there was a strange combination of solitude and the feeling someone was watching you…

"Hello there," a soft voice said, "you must be buying your first wand."

Ed flinched with the approach of an old man. His large, orb-shaped eyes gave Ed the impression of penetration, of being able to see past his façade into the pit of his tarnished, sinful soul.

_I don't like this guy…_

"Um yeah," he replied awkwardly. Ed felt the hairs on his neck stand on end. _This guy gives me the creeps…_

Ollivander studied him for a moment. "What is your name?"

Hesitant about giving the wandmaker his real name, Ed blurted out the first name he thought of.

"I'm…Jean Mustang"

"…Very well. Hold out your wand arm."

_Phew, that was close…_"What?"

"The arm you write with."

"I can write with both arms."

"Ambidextrous are we? Well, just hand me the arm you are most comfortable with."

_Actually, I'm not comfortable handing you any arm, or body part for that matter. _Admittedly, Ed was right-handed up until he lost his arm, but at the same time he didn't want Ollivander to find out about his automail. The entire time the old man never removed his gaze.

_Geeze, is this guy some kind of fish or something? Does he even know how to blink?_

Deciding his automail may break the wand, Ed offered his left arm. Ollivander measured the length of his arm, the length of his fingers, the width of his hands and so on.

"Well Mr…Mustang, I will let you know that every wand here at Ollivander's has a core essentially made of three things: phoenix feathers, unicorn hairs and dragon heartstrings. The wand itself is made of various woods that have some magic-enhancing quality. While any wand works for any wizard, you always get the best results when the wand chooses the wizard."

Ed snorted. _Is this guy serious? "The wand chooses the wizard"? This must be the craziest load of bs I've ever heard._

"All done," Ollivander said, and the tape measure, which Ed realized was measuring his fingernails of its own accord, rolled up.

"Let's see what works for you Mr. Mustang," Ollivander said before retreated into the maze of dusty boxes. He emerged a few minutes later with a long thin box. Ed opened the box and stared at the strip of wood.

"12 inches long, maple wood with a core of dragon heartstrings. Go ahead, give it a swish."

Feeling foolish, Ed brought it above his head, but the wand was snatched out of his hand.

"No, no, no, that won't do…how about this one? 10 and a half inches, made of ash and unicorn hair."

Ed touched the wand, but it was immediately snatched out of his hand. "Hmmm, you are a tricky one Mr. Mustang, a very tricky one indeed," Ollivander muttered as he scurried back with another wand for Ed.

"This is phoenix feather and oak, 11 and three quarters of an inch. Try this one."

This scene repeated itself for the better part of two hours. When the window was almost completely blocked by boxes, Ollivander took and examined Ed's last wand. Ed carefully moved the enormous pile of boxes from the small chair in the front and sat, bored and tired, with his arm aching from all of the repetitive movement.

_This crazy old geezer needs to get a move on;_ _I'm starving_

"You're not honest about something Mr. Mustang," the wandmaker said softly. Ed silently cursed the ground, wondering if he figured out the false alias.

"You said you were ambidextrous? Is that the truth?"

"Yes," Ed snapped.

"Then the arm you gave me for measurements is not the arm you are truly comfortable with," Ollivander said. "Why didn't you give me your other arm? I need your other arm if you are to get a wand."

Ed conceded and held out his right arm.

"There we go, now let's-oh my," Ollivander said in mild surprise when he grabbed Ed's arm, "this arm-it's not flesh and blood."

Ed jerked his arm away, glaring at the ground.

"A false limb is nothing to be ashamed of."

"This one is," Ed whispered.

"Please Mr. Mustang, let me see and measure your arm. In case you're wondering, I will never breathe another word of your arm to another living soul."

Ed eyed Ollivander warily, then took off his coat and pulled his sleeve up. Ed saw the surprise in Ollivander's eyes as the Automail glinted in the candlelight.

"Stunning. Quite beautiful, and very well made," Ollivander said as he took measurements of the fingers, knuckles, and elbows. "Almost like a real arm…whoever did this is incredibly skilled. The proportions of the arm in relation to your height and size are perfect. The only issue may be weight."

"What does all of that stuff have to do with a wand?" Ed asked.

"Like I said earlier, Mr. Mustang, the wand chooses the wizard," Ollivander replied simply. "Magic is a very delicate, yet powerful force, and it can be dangerous if not controlled correctly. Your magic synchronizes with the magic in the wand; that's why certain woods and ingredients are used in the creation of wands. The better the synchronization, the better your results. With that said, even the tiniest miscalculations when getting a wand can backfire tremendously. Your left arm of flesh and blood is natural to the body, and it is what it should be; it's the perfect medium to channel your magic through the wand without disturbing the synchronization. But, your left hand lacks the control of your right, which I presume is your dominant hand even though you are ambidextrous. While the right hand has the strength to control the magic, the metals and other artificial components of your arm may interfere with the synchronization. To be quite honest, I have never encountered a problem like this."

When the tape measure finished (_How does it do that?),_ Ollivander approached him with a set of scales to measure the weight of his arm. After the weighing of his arm, the old man scuttled to the back of the shop and returned with an odd colored box.

"Since this is a unique circumstance, let's try a unique combination. This wand, Mr. Mustang, is 11 and one third of an inch long, made of pine wood and the hair of a manticore. The person who created this wand lost a few limbs in the process, so perhaps there is a bond there."

Ed took the wand and was surprised when he felt a warming sensation spreading through his arm, followed by little shocks and jolts.

"Damnit! What the-"Ed started, but stopped when his arm started jerking and twitching. Suddenly, Ed tensed and collapsed on the floor as his arm sent an overload of electrical signals to his ports, shocking his nervous system. Panicking, Ollivander snatched the wand out of Ed's hand. Ed instinctively clapped his hands, and alchemy poured forth, causing the wands to react.

_What is this magic this boy posses? _the wandmaker thought as Ed's eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body twitching and the blue light escalating. Worried for the boy and all of the wands in the front, Ollivander ran to the back of the store to put up wands. He was nearly speared by a wand zipping to the front of the store. He rushed back to where Ed was, only to discover the blue alchemic energy being absorbed by a wand in Ed's right hand.

_Could that be…?_

_**********_

_Ennervate_

Ed's eyelids fluttered a bit before opening. Everything was a blur of colors and shapes.

_I swear_ _this is the worst type of alchemy I have ever encountered. Why in hell the Furher wants to know about it is beyond me._ Once his vision cleared, Ed saw Proudfoot and Savage surrounding him, looking concerned and suspicious, and Ollivander positively gaping at him.

"Damn my head hurts," he grumbled.

"What happened?" Proudfoot asked. Ed raised his right arm and saw a wand in it. He got up, tossing the wand aside.

"Well, what happened?" Proudfoot demanded again.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Ed growled. "All I know is that I am done with wands and anything connected to it."

"Wait, please don't go!" Ollivander pleaded. "Please excuse us for a minute."

"Wait, who said I was going to stay and talk to you?" Ed demanded.

"Stop alchemist." Ed froze.

"So these idiots told you," Ed barked, earning glares from two said idiots.

"No…it's...difficult to explain," Ollivander said.

Ed considered him for a moment. "OK, get out already, I'll be there in a minute," he snapped at the two glaring Aurors before they left. He rounded on Ollivander. "Spill it old man; how did you find out if you weren't told?"

Looking slightly hesitant, Ollivander replied, "When you clapped your hands and that blue light appeared that wand…reacted." He pointed to the wand Ed tossed on the floor.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Many hundreds of years ago, we wizards discovered the art of alchemy. When it was first discovered, there was a lot of talk about its potential, especially when being combined with magic. That wand was created around that time; however, in time we realized it operated on a different set of laws and we only managed to use alchemy to produce gold and immortal life in the form of the Scorer's Stone. Alchemy was soon dropped and this wand was shoved to the very back of the shop. Without alchemy, this wand is completely useless; however, it reacted-it was _summoned_- to your hand because of the alchemic reaction. In the most literal sense, this wand was made for you."

Ed eyed the wand. "This wasn't the same wand that jammed my arm?"

"No. I think that wand reacted in that fashion because of the manticore hair; Manticores are violent and aggressive creatures, and that wand has a high temperament. The wand in your hand now saved your life. As soon as it made contact with your hand, you stopped jerking and the blue light was absorbed by it. It is 9 inches long, made of red cedar, and contains the heartstrings of a chimera…this wand was made for alchemy."

_The way this man talks, he makes magic sound like something completely different from alchemy. But how could that be? Either way, it sounds like I have a lot more research to do in order to understand this. _Grabbing his wand, Ed headed to the front counter to pay.

"You are truly an extraordinary person…Mr. Edward Elric. You must possess a brilliant mind and a purity of the heart in order to be able to do true alchemy," Ollivander stated before bowing Ed out of his shop.

"What? Wait a minute, who told you my name?" Ed asked as he turned around, only to find the shop as empty and silent as it was when he first came in.

_What the hell is this guy?_

* * *

Kame: soooo….what do you think? This is my fav chapter thus far:)

The next chapter: Misinformation


	5. Misinformation

Kame: I actually had most of this done, but decided it needed to be rewritten and started from scratch. This chapter was so freakin long (18 pages!) I had to split it up. So now, A Man of Mystery is the next chap. Oh, banana pudding goes out to the following people for their lovely reviews:

The-Panda-Queen; Reading Again; ShiroAndFubuki; bluedog10; Starburstia; rose-of-alabaster; Andrea Perrigo; . If you don't like banana pudding, then feel free to take something else (whips out a huge tray of random sweets). Oh, also, I would like to pass out sweets to everyone who added me to their alerts and favorites. You guys are supertastic! ^^

Comments inspire me to think about my story, which in turn motivates me to write, which results in another chapter for you awesome readers! Keep up the reviews ^^

Disclaimer: I wish I would have mentioned this earlier, but I didn't and now I'm saying it. This original plot, original characters and original scenes originally belong to me (you may have thought of it first, but who was the first to type it? Exactly!) If anyone wants to write a story similar to this, you gotta ask me first, or I'll sue^^

* * *

Chapter 5: Misinformation

Ed sat on his bed, contemplating what Ollivander had told him while examining his new wand.

_There's nothing brilliant about me…I'm no genius, and I'm definitely not pure in heart. If he knew how I came across this knowledge, how I acquired these metal limbs…he would have an entirely different opinion of me… _

The wood felt warm as he rolled it between his fingers, scanning it for any evidence of a transmutation circle. Then he searched both ends of his wand. Growling in annoyance he gripped the wand tight in his hand and felt a tingling sensation.

_How in the hell does this thing work?_ _I wonder if the chimera heartstrings are in some way reacting with my alchemy?_

Looking for something to transmute, Ed spotted the bureau in the corner. He pointed the wand at it, the equation and array clear in his mind. In a flash of blue light, the bureau changed into a wooden replica of Al's armor. Fairly pleased with the results, Ed pointed the wand to the floor and caused a column to erupt, stopping at his shoulder.

_So my alchemy reacts to the alchemic enhancers in the wand while the wand itself acts as the circle. And I don't even have to be in contact with the object I'm trying to transmute._ _Now, should I report this to Colonel Asswipe?_

A tiny tap at the window distracted him from his thoughts; an owl was perched on the windowsill with a letter tied to his leg. The bird flew in and attempted to land on Ed's shoulder while the alchemist tried to beat it away. It finally landed on the bed, glaring at Ed while holding its leg out. He read:

_Major Elric,_

_You must report to the Ministry at 9 am tomorrow morning in order to report the information necessary to create records for your mission. Ministry officials will come to pick you up. _

_Dolores Jane Umbridge_

_Senior Undersecretary to the Minister_

_Great, not only do I have to deal with the dumb duo, I have to see that flabby faced hag. _ Slightly pissed at the prospect of having to see his already least favorite person in the world again, Ed stomped downstairs for dinner. He waved a careless hand at Tom the bartender and took a seat at the nearest table.

"So, what will you have tonight, Mr. Elric?"

Ed suppressed a shudder. "Don't call me that Tom; I told you to call me Ed or Edward."

"I apologize, Mr. El-I mean Edward. Formalities are just part of the job."

"Yeah, well, there's no need to be so formal with me."

"So, what will you have tonight, Edward?"

"Give me some of that stew you had last night."

Tom bowed and left. Ed sat back, watching the other customers of the bar with relatively little interest. As part of his mission was to collect information on the people here, he spent a lot of time watching people come and go, occasionally eavesdropping on their conversation. So far, most of the information Ed picked up was related to Voldemort. As Tom brought out the stew, Ed listened carefully to a pair of suspicious wizards in the corner whispering.

_It's kinda strange, that this rumor is causing so much trouble. But then again, it may have something to do with this Lord Vermont's history. _Ed mused as he inhaled his stew. _There must be more to this rumor; otherwise, the government wouldn't be working so hard to quash it. But how can this guy come back from the dead?_

_The sooner I get to the school and start this mission, the sooner I can find out more about what's really going on. _

*******

Ed woke up to loud knocking on his door.

"C'mon kid, we're short on time here," Proudfoot shouted through his pounding of the door.

BAMN! Once again, the door slammed in his face as a very pissed Ed stomps out.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A MINUTE WOULD CRUSH HIM!

Savage rubbed his head as Proudfoot emerged from behind the door with another broken nose.

"Y'know, it's too early for déjà vu," He said as he mends Proudfoot's nose again.

"Damn kid," Proudfoot muttered.

The three descended the stairs and head out through the front door.

"So what weird and ridiculous way are we going to arrive at the ministry today?" Ed said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Actually, today we're going to Apparate," Savage said.

"Apparate…" Ed said to himself. _Where did I hear that term?_

"Yes, we're going to Apparate because it's a heck of a lot faster. Dolores wants to see you ASAP," Savage said.

"You get the kid, I'll go ahead," Proudfoot said. Before Ed could retort, Proudfoot did a sort of half turn before disappearing into thin air. Ed stared at the empty spot with astonished eyes.

"What- where-?" he stammered.

"He Apparated. You know, disappear into thin air," Savage responded. "It's a very efficient way to travel, although a bit tricky at first."

Ed didn't appear to hear him, so Proudfoot grabbed his arm and did the same kind of twist. Ed had no idea what was going on. He only dimly registered a hand grabbing his arm before everything went black and he felt as if he were being compressed through a thin rubber tube. When the pressure stopped, he took great gulping breaths and found himself inside a special area off to the side of the Atrium, where loud popping noises revealed other witches and wizards coming and going into nowhere.

_Was that travel though space? How…? _

"Major Elric, we have to get moving," Savage said after taking a moment to dust himself off, "I'm sure Proudfoot is waiting for us somewhere." The two met up with Proudfoot and made their way to Umbridge's office, Ed still trying to grasp his mind around space travel.

"Well, Mr. Elric, I do hope you remember what we talked about the last time we were here," Umbridge said, bringing Ed out of his reverie.

"Yeah, yeah I have the cover story and all of the related information already," Ed said. _To hell with formalities, I just want to hurry up and get out of here._

Umbridge's flabby face deflated into a look of cold anger. "Major Elric, I am the one who hired you for this mission. I suggest you treat me with a little more respect and courtesy before you find yourself in trouble."

Ed carelessly waved one of his hands.

"Oh, no, that won't do. I expect you to give me respect and apologize for your rude behavior. Otherwise, I may have to tell the-Furher, I think you call him- about your insubordination."

_Knowing this old bat, she's probably serious. _He folded his arms and sat back in his seat.

"I only give apologies-and respect- when it's due," he spat. "Besides, how can you expect me to respect you with the way you treat me? You don't even take me seriously."

Umbridge took a moment to consider what he said. _Checkmate _he smirked.

"Well Major Elric, you may be a ranking officer in the military, but you are still a child," Umbridge stated in a sticky, sickly sweet tone.

"I gave up my childhood when I joined the military at 12. Besides, everything else about me clearly says otherwise," Ed said.

"Except your attitude and height," Umbridge retorted.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PINT-SIZED BRAT THAT'S SO SMALL THAT HE'S CONSTANTLY BEING MISTAKEN FOR A LOST TWO YEAR OLD?!

Umbridge's upper lip curled into a snarl. "See Major Elric, you've just proven my point."

"Y'know, for someone who needs me to complete a mission vital to your government efficiently and as discreetly as possible, you're treating me pretty shitty," Ed said.

"Then we must work out an agreement of sorts so we can complete this mission," Umbridge smiled, showing her pointy, evil little toad teeth. For a split second, Ed really wondered if she uses those teeth to grasp grasshoppers and worms.

"Yeah, whatever," Ed said, rolling his eyes. _This won't last long._

"Good. Now, what do you have for me Major?"

"I am an American transfer student from the American School of the Magical Arts in Texas," Ed recited in a bored voice. "I chose to study abroad my fifth year at Hogwarts. I grew up in a small rural town in Texas. My father is German and my mother is American. I was also born in Germany and spent a few years there, but my dear old mother had to move back to America to take care of her sick grandmother who was dying from leukemia so-"

"That's more than enough Major Elric," Umbridge interrupted. "I don't really care about those details."

"Is that all you want me here for?"

"For now, yes. Dumbledore may be a bit of a fool, but he is not stupid. He'll most certainly try to follow up on your information, and these records must be as genuine as possible. We'll start contacting the American school for more information."

"How long will it be before the records are complete?"

"Well, we not only needed your cover story, but we need to know how much magical knowledge you posses. We will create an academic record based off of the classes offered at Hogwarts; therefore, you must study every subject offered at the school and put yourself on a fifth year level. You have one month to master all of this knowledge. You then must take the written part of an examination and a practical portion in front of the Ministry officials. Afterwards we will travel to the school so you can meet with Dumbledore. Is that clear?"

"Yeah, I got you," Ed answered as he stood. Umbridge raised an eyebrow.

"Do you honestly think you can accomplish all of that magic in that teeny timeframe?" Umbridge asked in a sickly sweet voice. Ed paused. _Seriously, this lady is underestimating me._

"Of course," Ed said.

"So, you really think you can learn 4 years' worth of knowledge in one month?"

"…are you doubting my intelligence and skills to learn this magic?" Ed asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well,_ Major_ Elric, I just never encountered-no matter how brilliant they are-someone who claims they can learn so much in such a short amount of time and perform it with confidence."

"There's a first time for everything," Ed countered with a slight edge in his voice, "and I'm not unused to performing the near impossible."

"Very well, you-"

The office door slammed before she finished.

Ed left the ministry with his two escorts.

_Damn toad bitch just loves giving me extra work to do. She almost reminds me of Colonel Shitface, except he's not as much of a bastardly-bitch. Damn both of them. As soon as I learn how to do this alchemy, the first thing I'm gonna do is-_

"Do you want us to escort you all the way back to your room?" Savage asked.

"No, I need to go to Diagon Alley, so you can leave me in front of the bar."

"Ok…um, good luck with your mission," Savage said.

"What do you mean?" Ed asked.

"Well kid, we're Aurors. We catch dark wizards for a living. An assignment like this is only temporary; we can't sit around baby-sitting you all day," Proudfoot responded.

_These guys catch dark wizards…Lord whatever-his-name- is definitely a dark wizard. Can I pump these guys for information?_

"I see…" Ed finally responded. "Wow, I can't believe you guys catch dark wizards. I mean, something like that must require a lot of skill and cunning. And here I thought you were just bodyguards." Ed said with admiration.

"Eh?" Proudfoot said, completely taken aback by Ed's sudden change of heart.

"It would be really interesting to hear some of your experiences," Ed suggested.

"But..." Savage began.

"Y'know, you and I are a lot alike. I'm a State Alchemist back home, which is something like an Auror. Both jobs require years of training, and only accept the best. So this is a group of highly trained professionals, and I'm sure as one professional to another, as fellow soldiers, we could swap a few stories about our experiences, right?" Ed reasoned with a smile.

"…I guess… you have a point," Savage muttered.

"Wait a sec, before we say anything, how about you tell us one of your stories first? How did a kid become a part of the military?" Proudfoot snapped.

"Well, I was on my way to Central- the capital city of Amestris-when a rogue group of extremists hijacked the train we were on" Ed said. "My brother and I overtook the hijackers and released the train. It turns out that one of our generals and his family was on the train, and the extremists wanted to exchange prisoners. So when we arrived in Central, there was a colonel there who was so impressed he sponsored me to become a State Alchemist."

"I don't believe it," Proudfoot said.

"Well, how else could he join the military, if he didn't do something that made him stick out to the military personnel?" Savage said.

"Okay, fine. What about your metal arm? Did you get that while being in the military?"

"Wait a minute, this is supposed to be an Equivalent Exchange(1) of stories, right? I already told you something; now you have to tell me something." Ed scrunched up his face like he was thinking hard about something. "Oh, I know! How about you talk about your most dangerous mission?" Ed asked innocently.

"Hmmm…" Savage though for a moment. "Well, that's really tough."

"Oh, I'm sure it is, since you have to fight powerful dark wizards practically every day," Ed agreed.

"Oh, no, the only time we had to fight dark wizards every day was when You-Know-Who was in power," Savage said. "When You-Know-Who was in power, he and his army of followers were terrible. He even had Dementors and Giants on his side. But…I believe Dumbledore was helping us to fight off You-Know-Who. After all, You-Know-Who was scared of Dumbledore."

"Yeah, but Harry Potter did something that stopped him," Proudfoot said.

"What was it?" Ed asked, determined to get the whole story.

"You got to tell us about your arm, first." Savage said.

"I was on a mission with my squad. We were supposed to be investigating an alchemist who was suspected of doing alchemic experiments on the local townspeople. My commanding officer moved ahead and we were behind covering him. Suddenly, one of the alchemist's 'experiments' came up on the left side and attacked. I was the one on that side, so I was attacked unfortunately. No one noticed though because the other 'experiments' attacked as well. That beast had some type of bacteria in his mouth that infected my arm and it had to be amputated. The military gave me disability while I was recovering from the surgery of getting this arm attached."

The two Aurors look at Ed with a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

"Did it hurt, getting your arm?" Proudfoot asked.

"Yeah, it is the worst pain any living person can ever endure," Ed responded lightly.

"How was your arm attached?" Proudfoot demanded.

"How did Harry defeat Lord Vol-whatever?" Ed retorted.

"Don't know." Savage said, scratching the back of his head. "Now about your arm…"

"My arm was attached to the stump. I don't really know anything about Automail to explain how it's attached." Ed said.

"Well, we need to go," Savage said, standing up and turning to the door. "C'mon Proudfoot."

"Ok, I understand, I have just one more question. How often do you fight dark wizards?"

"As often as we need to," Proudfoot replied with an edge.

"You told us how you became involved with the military, but not why. Why would a kid want anything to do with the military?" Savage asked, his friendly tone replaced by suspicion. Ed couldn't look him in the eye as he unconsciously gripped his right arm.

"Because I made a promise to fix a mistake I made," he whispered, more to himself than to the wizard addressing him.

Outside, the wizards discussed what they talked about with the alchemist.

"That little snot was lyin' to us the whole time," Proudfoot growled.

"No he wasn't; true he probably lied to us about everything else, but he was being honest about the reason why he joined the military," Savage said.

"How could you tell? It's pretty obvious the boy knows how to act," Proudfoot asked.

"Before he responded…his face darkened and his voice was filled with regret. There are some things you cannot pretend."

"I guess," Proudfoot said, "you were always better than me at reading body language."

"We should tell Umbridge about his sudden interest in our affairs and warn her to keep him under watch."

"It's not like we told him anything classified." Proudfoot said dryly.

"True, but he's far from stupid; we gave him public information, but once he figures that out, he'll start ferreting around for more. Even though he's not on You-Know-Who's side doesn't mean he's not a threat, especially being from a foreign military dictatorship," Savage answered darkly.

"If he's so suspicious, why even bother hiring him?"

"Because he comes from a country where magic doesn't exist and never heard of You-Know-Who, so the odds of him being a spy are small enough for us to take the chance. Besides, I'm sure Umbridge has her personal reasons for going through all of the trouble of trying to get him; you know, she personally requested him."

* * *

Kame: well, that's that. Feel free to let me know if anyone was OOC or if anything was off (after all, I'm doing this without my HP5 book). Yeah, hate me now for not giving you that super long chapter everyone's been asking for (if I would have left this chapter intact, I'm sure it would have taken a day or two to read).

(1)-Proudfoot and Savage only know Equivalent Exchange as the definition of the two words separate; equal exchange, not as the alchemic law Ed knows it as. That's why they didn't ask any questions about the phrase, although it did sound strange to them.


	6. A Man of Mystery

Kame: well folks, this is part 2. Enjoy^^ Heh, this chapter actually came to me while I was typing chapter 3.

Disclaimer: just the minor, nameless people no one knows, not to mention this whole idea; if anyone wants to write a story similar to this, you gotta ask me first, or I'll sue^^

* * *

Chapter 6: A Man of Mystery

Ed was in his room, thinking about what the two wizards told him.

_Either they were lying, giving me information I could easily figure out, or they really are as stupid as they look. However, if what they said is true, it's actually pretty useful. The first thing they told me is that when Volley was in power, they were busy, meaning they spent a lot of time outside of the office doing missions. The fact that they were my bodyguards for this long before being sent on a mission probably means that things are picking up; if Lord Volleymont is really out there, he's becoming more active. Therefore, these rumors are actual truth. _

_The second thing is that Dumbledore fought against him; this means the man has some experience and knows what to look out for. If he believed Harry, is it because he read the signs and saw it coming? From what I heard of Dumbledore, he's highly respected. Why would he risk his reputation and position on such a stupid lie? Does this mean that Volley never died, but simply lost his body to the Gate like Al? Ugh, I really need more information...I guess I'll have to do more eavesdropping. _

Ed spotted his booklist.

_And get my books while I'm at it. May as well get em' today; who knows, maybe I'll hear something useful in the crowd._

With a lot of effort, Ed hauled himself off of the bed and headed out to Diagon Alley. When he entered Flourish and Blotts, he couldn't hide his excitement. He rushed over to the bookshelf, pulling out as many books as he possibly could to take back to his room. He ended up making several trips back to his room to drop off his books, after taking a break in the afternoon for lunch. Satisfied that he was able to complete all of his shopping for the day, he settled at the desk in his room and started reading a charms book. About halfway through the book Ed realized there was little to no mention on how this magic alchemy worked; the books simply listed various formulas (which seem to be in the form of strange incantations Ed suspected may be coded alchemical formulas) and the movements necessary to perform the spells. There was no mention of the periodic table or even science for that matter.

_What is wrong with these people? How can you have alchemy without even explaining the basics?_

Ed tossed the book aside and read through several other books before coming to the conclusion that he wasn't going to find what he was looking for.

_Guess I gotta wait till I get to the school before I can officially start my mission. May as well try learning some of this crap; I need to pass that damn test._

Slightly pissed at not being to figure out this 'alchemy', Ed finished his reading that day. As the month flew by, Ed caught up to fourth year, and went a little into fifth year. The subjects he enjoyed the most were the ones closest to the hard sciences; Potions and Arithmancy. The Charms spells weren't too difficult as long as Ed thought of them as encoded alchemic formulas, and he actually found Defense against the Dark Arts to be really interesting. His only issue was Transfiguration. The subject confused him to no end; he couldn't understand why first, they were actually teaching transmutations on living beings and second, their description of the spells.

"How in the hell can you change a bird to a teacup and change it back?" he muttered the day he was reading the book. "Transmutations on live animals and humans are permanent, yet they talk about reversing it. Where's the Equivalent Exchange? How do they get the energy to do this kind of stuff? What the hell is _wrong _with these people?"

At the same time Ed still tried to figure out how magic worked. When he started his exams, he was in a foul mood. Ed's exams were spread over ten days, each day devoted to an entire subject: History of Magic, Charms, D.A.D.A, Potions, Ancient Runes, Herbology, Astrology, Arithmancy, Divination and Transfiguration. There were very few problems until the last two exams. Ed refused point blank to take the exams, and while they didn't press him to take Divination, he was forced to take Transfiguration. He refused to take the practical part.

"Come now boy, surely you must know that the animal can be changed back?" the examiner asked in an exhausted voice.

"I won't do it," Ed said stubbornly.

"Just watch," another examiner explained. He transformed Ed's cat into a pair of fluffy slippers before changing the cat back. Ed watched, torn between horror and fascination.

"What the hell did you just do?" he shouted.

"Calm down, it's just transfiguration." Another examiner said in a scandalized tone.

"What gives you the right to change a living creature into an inanimate object?"

"Mr. Elric, you need to calm down and stop being so childish," Umbridge said with a serious tone devoid of her usual sugary sweetness.

"You people are sick and demented!" Ed said before running out of the room.

"Why, I never…" an examiner exclaimed in affronted tones.

"What are young people these days coming to?"

"Well, other than that, he passed everything else with flying colors. In fact, I would say he's a genius. He's definitely on a fifth year level magically…mentally, however, is another story…"

"Dolores, just where did that child come from?" one examiner asked.

Umbridge was still, her tiny bulging little eyes ready to pop out of her head.

"Please forgive Mr. Elric for the insults and his rude and unacceptable behavior. I had not realized that Amestris had sent me such a disturbed child," She croaked.

"Amestris you say?" one of the examiners, an old tiny bent over woman asked with interest. "Isn't Amestris that country that studies alchemy?"

"Yes" Umbridge answered.

"In their alchemy, transmutation on live animals and humans are permanent and forbidden, so naturally he would not want to perform transfiguration."

"I see" Umbridge responded, her face expressionless.

"Yes, in my younger days, I did quite a bit of traveling and I simply stumbled into the country," the old woman said. "It's very fascinating, although I could never understand their alchemy. That boy actually looks a lot like a nice gentleman I ran into while I was traveling the country. Very well mannered, and he knew quite a bit about alchemy as well."

"Yes, that's all nice," An old man with a wiry white beard interrupted, "but we need to get this done and over with. Should we allow the boy to move on to fifth year?"

There was a chorus of 'yes'.

Ed stood in front of the huge fountain in the Atrium. While his eyes looked at the water, not seeing the ripples caused by the trickling fountain.

_Nina…if we knew this alchemy earlier, could there have been a chance of saving you from…?_

A small but strong hand grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him on his feet.

"Come," said Umbridge, her face pale and her eyes dark and angry. Ed felt himself being steered towards her office and being roughly pushed in. Once inside Umbridge pushed Ed hard into the floor with strength the alchemist could never imagined she possessed.

"Elric, if you ever embarrass me again in front of ministry officials or anyone else for that matter, I will make sure your life is a living hell," Umbridge barked.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but my life's already been a fucking hell, so there's nothing you can do to me that's not new," Ed snarled.

Both glared daggers at each other from across the room. Ed defiantly crossed the room and sat in the plush chair in front of Umbridge's desk.

"Don't think that all because I have to follow your orders that you can push me around and do whatever the hell you want to me. Remember, I come from a country that's used to war. If they find out how you've been abusing one of their best State Alchemists thus far, the consequences won't be pretty."

He pulled out a letter.

"I remember you threatened to tell the Furher about my 'insubordination'. Don't you think he'll be upset if it's the other way round? Y'know, if I tell him in the right words, he can get the impression that this is a pretty hostile country for me to work in. He may want to call be back, or even worse, retaliate. Don't push your luck."

…_She doesn't need to know that it's just a letter to Al._

Before she could respond, someone knocked and a man poked his head in.

"Ex-excuse me, but I'm here to inform you that the cars are ready to take you to Hogwarts."

Both exit the room without another word.

******

At first Ed dreaded the prospect of having to sit in such a small space with Umbridge, but after the incident in the office, he felt that the ride could at the very least be tolerable. He was very wrong. Instead of insulting him, Umbridge tried to make it up to him, which Ed found even more annoying than the insults.

"Mr. Elric, I've been thinking about what you said to me back in the office."

_I'm sure you have been._

"And I think it's foolish for us to have to rely on our positions to help resolve conflicts and disagreements."

_It is, but that doesn't mean it'll stop._

"And being the older and wiser person here, I realized that there's no need to drag our countries into our little disagreements. So I will apologize in the hopes that we can start over fresh. I am…sorry…that I underestimated you. Now you apologize."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Ed said unconvincingly.

"Well, Mr. Elric, as we will depend on each other for the next year or so, how about we try this again? I am Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister," Umbridge said with a fake smile.

_I'm really not in the mood for this._

"Welcome to our country. I hope your stay here in England is all to your liking, and I only desire your full cooperation for the mission."

_Not just my full cooperation, but my full obedience. I'm not just some mindless, well trained dog of the military; I've pissed on the expensive carpets before with no problem. (1)And there's no way I can like any place that separates me from my brother._

"Yeah, okay," Ed answered in a detached manner.

"Now with that said, I hope that you use the time after the meeting in the castle wisely."

"I understand."

"Good. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly." Umbridge smirked.

_I seriously doubt it_

**********

The car drove through the wrought-iron gates flanked by winged boars and Ed caught his first glimpse of Hogwarts. When Ed thought of witches and wizards, he always thought of either a haunted house or some creepy-looking castle with moats full of alligators, but Hogwarts was nowhere close to any of those descriptions; It was breath-taking. The castle sat on top of the hill like a king on his throne, overlooking the lake with might and majesty. The ancient towers and torrents were outlined beautifully against the mountainous backdrop, giving the entire scene a mythical, picturesque feel. The one thing about the castle that really overtook Ed was the _size; _it was _huge_. It succeeded in making Ed feel smaller, but not in a negative way. It made Ed think of the expression his teacher forced him and his brother to figure out on a small island during their training; _all is one and one is all_. Upon entering the Entrance Hall, there was a very strict witch to greet them.

"Hello, I am Professor McGonagall, Transfiguration teacher and Head of Gryffindor House. If you will follow me, I will take you to the Headmaster's office."

They arrived in front of a stone gargoyle that jumped aside when McGonagall gave it a password (Sugar Quill) and a moving staircase took them to a beautiful door with a griffin knocker. McGonagall knocked and entered.

The office was a stunning circular room with rich deep blue carpets on the floor. Books lined the walls in mahogany cases, and strange silver instruments sat whirring and puffing on little spindly-legged tables. On the wall were paintings of various older people _that appeared to be moving_. For the first time since he arrived in England, Ed wasn't wondering about what kind of alchemy could be behind the phenomenon; he simply could not guess. There was nothing he could think of to explain how the picture of the warlock sat relaxed in his chair, watching the scene with mild interest, or how the witch with a thick walking stick picked with a wart on her nose. On a golden perch sat a magnificent bird of red plumage and gleaming, golden beaks and talons. The most remarkable thing about the office however, wasn't the pictures or the bird; it was the man sitting behind the desk.

Ed remembered him from when he walked past briefly in the hallway of the ministry, but even now Albus Dumbledore managed to impress him. This tall, thin old man, with long silver hair and beard, gave off the energy of a man half his age (whatever that may be) and his kind blue eyes expressed twice as much kindness. When McGonagall, Umbridge and Ed entered the office, he stopped whatever he was doing and stood up to face them. Ed could not shake off the slightly defensive feelings Dumbledore aroused in him; he could sense the power his tiny frame held, and it unnerved him.

"Hello Dolores, I am quite glad you could make it to the castle safely. And I take it that this young man is Mr. Edward Elric?"

"Yes, Professor, this is him," Umbridge replied.

"Yes, well it is quite exciting to have a transfer student with us here at Hogwarts this year. You can imagine my surprise when the owl showed up in my office with the letter. Frankly, I have never heard of such a thing, so I had to go and research the last time such an event happened."

"When was the last time something like this happened?" Ed asked in spite of himself.

"In the year 1472, when a student from Romania transferred. Unfortunately, that student happened to be a vampire and was forced to leave the school early. I do hope that you are not a vampire, Mr. Elric, or I will be forced to send you home as well," he smiled.

_Vampires? Is this guy serious? Maybe he's the crazy one._

"Professor," McGonagall interrupted, "we have a schedule to keep."

"Right, so sorry Minerva, I was just making idle chitchat. Now, to business. Edward-you don't mind me calling you that do you?"

Ed shook his head.

"Good. Now Edward, what brings you to Hogwarts?"

"I want to expand my magical education," Ed said. _Well, my job is to learn this shit._

"What school are you from?"

"The American School of the Magical Arts. This would be my fifth year."

"Right. Incidentally, that school is quite famous. Can you tell me why?"

"It's one of the few wizarding schools that still teach alchemy," Ed said.

"Ah, yes alchemy. For one reason or another, it didn't turn out quite right for us. It only led to two things; immortal life and gold. Two rather useless things if you ask me."

"I agree," Ed answered softly, thinking of his brother. "However, I think the reason alchemy didn't go as far over here is that gold and immortality was the only things the alchemists of long ago were interested in. No one else who was doing the research saw the potential."

"Interesting observation, Edward. Perhaps we could have taken alchemy farther if we would've put our minds to it," Dumbledore mused.

"However, I don't think that it's necessary, Sir. You have magic." _You have magic? Why am I talking like magic and alchemy are two separate things? Geeze I've been around these nutcases too long._

Dumbledore's mustache twitched. "Yes, we do. Alchemy, as you may know, is rather rigid when compared to magic, which is one of the reasons why it wasn't as well developed as magic. No one wants to pay the price for something. However, there are quite a few things alchemy can do that magic is not capable of."

Ed looked up and met Dumbledore's eyes. He suddenly felt a strange presence in his mind. Ed used all of his mental strength to force whatever it was out his mind. To his slight surprise, he saw Dumbledore's eyes flicker and a slight frown creased his wrinkled face.

_Is mind reading possible?_

"Where are you from Edward?"

"I was born in Germany in a small town called Risembool, but I spent most of my childhood in El Paso, Texas."

"Quite an interesting childhood you must have had," Dumbledore said. Ed frowned slightly while thinking about what Dumbledore just said. _It feels like there's more to that statement… _

_Was this guy really trying to read my mind_?

The headmaster looked Ed straight in the eyes again, intruding and probing for some answers before he felt a force repel him from the depths of Ed's mind.

"Now Edward, according to your records, you are a very bright and talented young man. What classes are you interested in taking this year?"

"I would like to take as many classes as I possibly can," Ed said. His head was starting to ache and he longed to crawl into a soft bed and sleep for a few years.

"Very well. We will see what we can do for you Edward," Dumbledore responded kindly. "You look quite exhausted, so perhaps a nice meal and some rest will do you good. As school will start tomorrow, we have a special guest room ready for you since you haven't been Sorted yet."

"Sorted?" The relentless throbbing in his head made it difficult to focus.

"Yes. When you come to Hogwarts, you must be Sorted before you can attend any classes. I would like nothing more than to explain the process and the four houses, but alas I must talk to Dolores here about tomorrow. Have a good evening Edward. Minerva, please take him to his room so I can speak with Dolores."

"Yes Professor. Come along Mr. Elric"

Both McGonagall and Ed left the office and made their way to Ed's temporary room.

"Here at Hogwarts, there are four different houses. Each house represents one of the four founders of the school and a characteristic they prized in students. Gryffindors are known for their bravery, Ravenclaws are the brightest and cleverest, Hufflepuffs are the hardest workers and the cunning and ambitious of pure lineage go to Slytherian House. The Sorting Hat determines what House you will be placed in."

"And how does that work?" Ed asked as they descended the stairs. _ Everything seems to move around; how in the hell am I supposed to remember where anything is?_

"Well, you must put the hat on and it will tell everyone in the Great Hall what House you will be in."

"Yeah, fine," Ed mumbled while rubbing his head.

"Are you okay Mr. Elric? Perhaps a trip to the Hospital Wing will help?"

"No thanks. I think I just need some sleep," He mumbled.

"Very well. Here is your room," McGonagall pushed a brick and a door appeared. The room was slightly larger than the room Ed stayed in at the Leaky Cauldron, complete with a separate bathroom and shower. His truck and other belongings were already sitting at the foot of the bed.

"I will come get you in the morning for breakfast and then talk to you about your schedule." Ed collapsed on his bed fully clothed and instantly fell asleep.

**********

By the time McGonagall returned to Dumbledore's office, it was completely empty. In a few minutes, the Headmaster crossed the threshold of his office and took his place behind the desk.

"Excuse me Minerva for not being here, but my chat with Dolores was cut rather short and I took her to her new room instead of waiting for your return. Forgive my impatience."

"It's nothing, Professor."

"Dolores Umbridge and Edward Elric are two very unusual people, don't you think?"

"Elric is at the very least interesting. Dolores is just-"

"Quite a piece of work. However, she is not the one I wish to talk about tonight. Tell me, what do you think of Edward?"

McGonagall paused for a moment. "Honestly, I don't know what to think. When he answered your questions, he appeared to be reflecting."

"Yes, he seems to possess wisdom beyond his years. He also has a rather brilliant mind, to be able to perform Occolumency and successfully push me out."

"He did _what_?" McGonagall shouted.

"Yes. The most peculiar thing is that I don't think he ever had any training in Occulumency; it was, for the most part, rather crude. I managed to get a glimpse of his memories before he managed to shut me out. In fact, I don't even think he knows what he did."

"Yes, I think you're right; his head was hurting when I was taking him back to his room."

"He probably overexerted himself."

"What did you see?"

"Another strange thing; the images I saw were blurry. Nothing was clear enough for me to identify except for a memory of a suit of armor."

"A suit of armor? Of all things…what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"Actually, I am not sure. The answers he gave us indicate he has great knowledge about alchemy and thinks most highly of it. Perhaps it is connected to his alchemy. I must admit I am not familiar enough with the alchemy Edward has learned in order to make any theories or assumptions."

"So what should we do Albus?"

"Business as usual, plus we keep an eye on Edward. Whether that boy will swing down the path of good or evil I cannot tell, but whatever path he chooses he will be great."

* * *

Kame: Tell me what you think! ^^

(1)- for those of you who don't get it, it's an analogy referring to how Ed doesn't always follow his commands the way he is supposed to.


	7. The Struggle with the Sorting Hat

Kame: …I feel the love…I'm only on chapter 7 and I'm already almost to 50 reviews. THANK YOUUUUUU! T^T…anyway, I'll use this spot to reply to reviews:

Starburstia, DemonRaily,chaos key ForeverFailing86 Andrea Perrigo, Abhorsen21, Lolmaster27: Thankies

Errisu-April: Occulumency is the art of closing one's mind off. Usually it is used to counter Legilimency, which is essentially mind-reading.

bluedog10: hmmm, I wouldn't mind writing it in Ed's POV, but he's such an idiot when it comes to magic…maybe certain sections, though…

Yuzu Somebody: uhhhh…thanks?

Iwalkinthelight: I'm glad that you enjoy both this story and Bold Blonde and Obtuse. The reason I haven't updated that one yet is because I have to rewatch most of Trigun to get an idea of where I want the story to go (and make sure I keep everyone in character), but if it makes you feel better, I already have chapter 3 laid out in my mind…

Ivory Jade 6669: Uh, was this update fast enough?

Susanxmy: yeah, actually that's the one thing I really enjoy about the story. And boy will you be surprised later on in the story…

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

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Chapter 7: The Struggle with the Sorting Hat

Ed groaned, slowly sitting up and rubbing his head.

_Is it time for breakfast yet? I'm starving._

He headed towards the window. A pull of the curtains revealed the night sky, a round full moon beaming down and stars glistening in the darkness.

_Greaaaaaaat. It's still dark, and I can't get back to sleep…I wonder if their cafeteria is like the one back at Central? No, wait, that stupid frog wanted me to scout the castle_

Ed left the room, tracing the Flamel symbol on his door with his wand.

_This way, I won't get lost. I would hate to get lost and arouse suspicion before the mission even starts. These should fade at dawn._

Every ten feet or so, he stopped and traced a mark on a door or wall, eventually making his way back to the main staircase. Eyeballing the seemingly endless stairs, Ed gingerly placed a foot on a stair and started climbing.

"It should be illegal for a building to have so many stairs," Ed heaved after pulling his right leg out of a trick stair for the third time. When he arrived at the last flight of stairs, a step suddenly disappeared, almost causing the alchemist to lose his balance.

"Crap," he breathed, holding himself over the gap. As if it was disappointed he didn't fall, the stairs suddenly start moving, splitting along the gap Ed nearly fell in. Hastily he climbed up the last few stairs, careful to not look down, and made it on the landing.

"Hey laddie, you should be careful there. That set of steps likes to play especially nasty tricks," An old oil painting of a man on a safari shouted to the disgruntled alchemist.

_It should also be illegal for these pictures to be so …animated_

Ed emerged in a long corridor, ending in a portrait of a fat woman in a pink silk dress snoring loudly, shuddering slightly when the large drop of drool hanging from her lip fell on her satin pink dress. He soon found himself in a blank stretch of corridor with a moth-eaten tapestry of two trolls in tutus beating a wizard. After wandering around for about twenty minutes he realized he passed the same tapestry several times.

_I should have marked the wall; I'm wasting time wandering the same corridor like this. _ As he drew another symbol on the wall, he failed to stifle a yawn.

_I'm starting to feel tired again. I wish I was already in my room._

When he turned around to leave, a door on the wall captured his attention.

"…Was this always here?"

He reached out to open the door, but hesitated.

_Should I really open a door that clearly wasn't here a minute ago in a crazy place where the paintings move and the staircases play tricks…?_

…_Well, I AM scouting this place out, so I need to know what's behind this door!_

Satisfied with his justification, Ed opened the door. To his surprise, the room contained a large number of magnificent feathered beds in various sizes and designs.

"Of course there would be nice, soft, fluffy beds in this room as tired as I am..." he muttered.

Regardless, Ed found himself walking over to the nearest bed; a huge king-sized bed with a thick, fluffy comforter and pillows as large as a pony.

_Well, I guess I could just rest for just a minute._

Ed fell into a deep sleep the instant he climbed into the bed. In what felt like a few minutes later, a loud noise awakened him from his slumber. Ed left the room to discover two shocking facts: first, it was almost dawn; second, there was a small man floating midair, knocking over suits of armor as he cackled.

_What the hell…_

"Ohhh, what's this? A strange brat wandering around at night? Naughty little shrimp, you are." The little man cackled in his annoying voice.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PREMATURE RUNT!?

"And sooo aggressive too. You gonna hurt ole Peevies' feelings with your _short_ temperature." Peeves taunted.

DAMNIT! I AM NOT SHORT YOU FLOATING FREAK!

" Ooooooo, are you the golden snidget who was with McGonagall last nitey? Back to your room you should head on the double, for when McGonagall catches ye be in big trouble" Peeves sang.

WHO ARE YOU CAL…DAMNIT!

Ed rushed back down the hallway towards the stairs.

"Damn him! Damn that room! I need to get back before that woman comes to get me for breakfast!"

As Ed rushed past the walls and doors he marked, he realized with horror that they were fading.

_If the ones up here are fading already, then that means-_

At the divide where the staircases were, his Flamel marks were already gone.

"Crap…I can't blow this now!" Ed said as he sprinted down the stairs. Peeves appeared behind Ed.

"How about you let Peevise help you get down the stairs?" he sang in a wicked voice before he pushed Ed down the stairs. Well, the push did help in a way; he missed all of the trick steps that held him up when he started exploring. But the fall most certainly did no good for his temper. Although he rolled and landed on his feet, Ed arrived at the bottom of the stairs bruised, sore and extremely pissed off.

"ARRRRRG! I'VE HAD IT" he bellowed. A hand clap echoed and a stone hand suddenly reached from the wall and grabbed Peeves. Ed smirked as the poltergeist squealed various curses that Ed may have invented at some point.

"And that's what happens when you mess around with me," he stated smugly. The chime of the school clock brought him back to his senses and he realized that dawn was fast approaching. He rushed through the Entrance Hall, looking for the passageway to his room. He ran across several corridors with blank stretches of wall.

"Crap! Where is my room?!" Ed muttered as he ran into the first corridor, feeling against the wall for the brick to his room; no luck. Ed tried the second corridor. When he examined the wall, he caught a very faint outline of his Flamel symbol, but couldn't find the brick to get into his room.

"AGR! To hell with it!"

Ed clapped his hands and placed them on the ground. The corridor filled with blue light and electricity crackled along the walls, floor and ceiling. The light suddenly turned a light green and the bricks shift away, showing the door. Ed forced the door open and threw himself inside just as the first rays of sunlight peeked through the window.

_Barely made it_. Ed heard a soft knocking on his door.

"Mr. Elric, it's time for you to come to the Great Hall," McGonagall said, "I hope you got a…Merlin's beard, what happened to your face?"

Ed had completely forgotten about the bruises he received from falling down the stairs.

"Um, well, I fell out of the bed."

"You got those bruises from falling out of the bed?" McGonagall asked suspiciously.

"Yeah well I fell out a few times. I'm a really wild sleeper you see…"

She tossed a disbelieving glance towards him before they headed to the Great Hall. The Great Hall was indeed every bit of its name; the ceiling seems to stretch _into_ the sky, with clouds drifting over their heads. The equally large and long windows revealed large stretches of velvety green lawn and the edge of the forest. There were four very long tables lined up, with a slightly shorter table in the front of the hall with a few teachers already eating breakfast, including Dumbledore.

"Hello Edward," Dumbledore beamed, "did you get a good night's rest?" He saw the bruises on Ed's face. "Or rather, did you have a very vivid dream?"

"Yes Sir, I fell out the bed a few times. Thanks for your concern," Ed said.

"Why don't you sit with us and have breakfast?" Dumbledore suggested. "The other students have yet to arrive, and there's no point in you sitting alone to have the first meal of the day. Let's eat the most important meal of the day together."

Ed sat on Dumbledore's other side, next to McGonagall and another, shorter teacher.

"Name's Flitwick, m'boy," The teacher next to Ed said as soon as he sat down. "I teach Charms. I'm quite sure we'll see each other later."

"Yes Sir," Ed answers with a mouthful of bacon and eggs. He realized with absolute glee that he's actually _taller_ than someone else for a change, and an adult on top of that.

_Wow, this guy makes me feel a lot better about my height…I wonder if he was always that short, or if he somehow managed to shrink himself? Hope I never get that small...  
_

The moment he stood up, he sensed a presence behind him. He turned around to see a pale, sallow-faced man with a large hooked nose and curtains of black, greasy hair framing his ugly face. The man wore an unpleasant scowl and a sneer on his lips.

"This is my seat. Now move," the man said in a cold voice.

"Excuse me, I didn't realize you had your name on this chair," Ed retorted coolly.

"Professor Snape, this is our new transfer student," Flitwick said, causing Snape to curl his lips.

"A student? A first year student has no place at this table," Snape said.

"I'm not a first year student, you greasy haired douchebag," Ed said, giving the man a look of utter pissed-off'dness. *

Snape's eyes flashed dangerously as he pulled out his wand. "You better watch who you're talking to before you find yourself in a very unpleasant situation."

"Mr. Elric, you need to go to the hospital wing to have your-injuries treated," McGonagall said, unaware that she saved the greasy haired man, in Ed's opinion, from a gruesome and painful death.

"Alright," Ed responded, making sure to bump into Snape as hard as possible on his way out. The two headed towards the hospital wing, Ed following reluctantly. The moment Ed entered the hospital wing, a witch dressed in a nurse uniform stepped out of her office and stared at Ed with a mixture of shock and anger.

"Here it is, the first day the students are supposed to be coming back, and _even before they arrive I have injured kids to tend to!"_

"Poppy, please calm down. This is the new transfer student. He arrived yesterday to talk to with the Headmaster. Apparently, he had a rough night," McGonagall said tartly.

"How did you get these injuries?" Madame Pomfrey asked as she examined Ed's face.

"Fell out the bed a few times," He said sheepishly. Madame Pomfrey raised he reyebrows as she muttered spells to heal the bruises. "Now to check for broken bones."

Ed snatched his arm away so fast the other two adults stared. "No, nothing is broken."

"I still need to check," Madame Pomfrey pressed on, "it's a part of my job."

"If I had any broken bones, I would be in too much agony to be able to fight with you. I'm fine," Ed said.

"Poppy, I think if Mr. Elric had any broken bones, we would know by now," McGonagall said.

Looking scandalized at the idea of not being able to do her job properly, Madame Pomfrey turned on her heel and strode back to her office, the slamming of her office door resonating in the empty air. The two made their way back to Ed's room in silence.

"The Welcome Feast will not start until this evening, The Great Hall will be closed until then," McGonagall said. "We will have three o'clock tea instead, and a house-elf will appear in your room and make whatever you want. The castle is in the final stages of preparation for the returning student body, so I advise you to stay in your room and out of Filch's way." She walked away.

Frustrated at the idea of being confined to his room most of the day, Ed paced his room and struggled to find something to keep him entertained: he went through some spells, practiced some alchemy, reread and rewrote his letter to Al and wrote a letter to the Colonel (this really made him feel better):

_Dear Colonel Shithead, _

_Yeah, I upgraded your name because once I get back, that's what I'm gonna turn your brains into, if you have any. I'm already at the castle; School is starting the next day. I haven't had the chance to really research anything; the books I've read so far haven't explained the alchemy. I'm still working out this magic alchemy, but I have a theory that may explain everything, since the books I've read so far haven't. I'm gonna make you pay for sending me on this mission with this bitchy toad woman and this chaotic school. _

_Edward Elric_

_The Fullmetal Alchemist_

************

Ed sat around the room, putting his books back in his trunk when McGonagall knocked on his door.

"Mr. Elric, we need to go down to the Sorting," she called through the door. Ed put up his last book, stretched, and opened the door.

"Mr. Elric, why are you not wearing proper attire?"

"What's wrong with this?" Ed asked, gesturing to his trademark outfit," It's not like we have classes or anything...."

"Elric, you will go into your room and change _now_." McGonagall said. Ed cringed slightly at the look she shot him.

_....damn, she's almost like Teacher..._

He retreated inside and put on his school robes. They proceeded to the Entrance Hall where McGonagall lead him into a small chamber off to the side.

"You will wait here until I call your name," she said, before heading off. Ed slumped against the wall and started dozing. A few moments later, his nap was interrupted by a large group of timid, wet looking eleven year olds.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Ed snapped after several minutes of blatant staring. The group edged away from him. Ed snorted and continued to doze.

"So what are they gonna make us do?" one small girl with pigtails asked, trembling.

"I heard on the train that they make you do some kind of test..."

"We have to do magic?" a boy with short blond hair asked. "Aw man, I don't remember anything!"

"Calm down," Ed said, tired of their whining, "they're not going to make you do magic."

"How do you know?" another boy with dark hair asked. "You're in here just like us."

"Because it's just stupid," Ed replied. "It would be the same as asking a six year old to read a textbook before starting first grade."

"Abercrombie, Euan," McGonagall shouted. A small mousy haired boy nearly tripped over his feet as he made his way out the chamber. There was a moment of silence, followed by someone's shout and cheering. After what felt like forever to a very impatient Ed, the chamber emptied and the Hall was filled with silence.

"Well, before we start," Dumbledore said, "I am proud to announce that this year, we have a transfer student from the American School of the Magical Arts in Houston, Texas. He will be staying with us for one year only, and I trust all of you to make his stay here at Hogwarts comfortable and fun."

"Elric, Edward," McGonagall said. Ed came out of the chamber and approached the stool in the front of the Hall. Before he jammed the hat on his head, he felt every eye in the Hall on him.

_Well, you seem like an interesting person, Edward Elric, _the hat began.

_A talking hat… must be a soul transmutation. Wait, how can you read my thoughts?_

_That is the magic of the founders of this school Elric_, the hat responded smartly._ You have so many amazing qualities; I'm finding it difficult to place you…_

_Hey, can you hurry up here? I'm starving,_ Ed thought when his stomach growled.

_As I was saying, I cannot place you. You are daring and courageous, the prized characteristics of Gryffindor House; Giftedly brilliant for Ravenclaw; loyal and hardworking of Hufflepuff House; yet your ambition, cunning and willingness to bend the rules will help you do well in Slytherian._

_Can you just do your job? _Ed snapped.

_It's for you to decide, Elric_

_...put me in Gryffindor._

_Hmmm…Ohhhh, but your reasons for wanting to be in that house…I don't like what you and Dolores Umbridge are trying to do…_

_What?! Hey, don't read my thoughts! That's personal! Look, you told me to choose and I say put me in Gryffindor. And if you tell anyone else about my mission, I'll transmute you into toilet tissue._

_Hmmm…oh dear, you actually posses the knowledge to do that to me..._

_Dam straight!_

_Ok Mr. Alchemic Prodigy…I'll place you in_...GRYFFINDOR!

"Bout time!" Ed snapped as he made his way to his new Housemates. Ed smiled a little.

_Stupid hat, trying to interfere with my mission...but it worked out anyway...Maybe this would be easier than I thought?_

* * *

Kame: Awesome chapter, yes? No? Let me know folks so I can improve this chap and make the next chap even better.


	8. The First Night

Kame: wow…so many people reviewed and added me onto their fav/alerts list, I don't know what to do…except say ARIGATOO GOZAIMASU! I especially want to thank D3athrav3n92 for the constructive criticism. I can't believe I'm at 90 reviews! I'm reaaaaaaaaally sorry it took me forever to get this out, but I refused to write another chapter without a book…no, I STILL don't have a book, but at least I found a website that has the chapters, so I should be good from this point on. I guess the fact that I'm releasing two chapters, one being ridiculously long, makes up for that, doesn't it?…oh! I forgot! I owe someone a chibi Ling, but I couldn't remember who…to whoever it was, please adopt this adorable little chibi Ling; he's eating me out of house and home! TAKE HIM PLEEEEASE! (Holds Ling up)

Ling: Heeeeeeey, I thought we were friends…

Kame: what gave you that idea?

Ling: T^T

Kame: Anyway, as I typed this chapter (and retyped the other chapters; I took the story out of present tense, so it should be easier for everyone^^) I was struck by an epiphany: this story sucks badly. My style is terrible; I am so disappointed in myself! It was so bad I was almost crying when I retyped it. I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THIS GO ON FOR SO LONG! With that being said, this story will constantly be revised, especially when the school year starts and I take some more writing classes. This means that it'll take me longer to update; sorry, but a good story with bad form is worse than a bad story period.

Disclaimer: I guess I need this now, since I'm starting to use the official storyline and all. Well, I don't own Harry Potter (especially the 5th book), nor do I own FMA. I own the idea of this story. I'll also mention now that I copied some of the dialogue and scenes out of the book for the purpose of helping the story along. I will try to keep this to a minimum cause I'm not trying to recreate the entire book. Go buy a book for that (and buy me a copy…PLEEEASE!). I'm not making a profit off of this; I'm still poor as hell and will be even poorer after I buy my school books.

* * *

Chapter 8: The First Night

"Well, before we start," Dumbledore said, "I am proud to announce that this year, we have a transfer student from the American School of the Magical Arts in Houston, Texas. He will be staying with us for one year only, and I trust all of you to make his stay here at Hogwarts comfortable and fun."

"Elric, Edward," McGonagall called. Everyone watched as the boy came out of the side chamber. Harry, Ron and Hermione eyed him warily as the Sorting Hat slipped over his eyes.

"A transfer student? I never knew Hogwarts could have transfer students…" Ron said.

"If a student wants to go study abroad badly enough, it can be arranged," Hermione said, "although it can really hard sometimes. I read somewhere in _Hogwarts, A History _that the process can take up to years."

"So you're saying this guy applied to study abroad as soon as he entered school?" Ron asked.

"Maybe. He does look a little young; I wonder if he's a First Year?" Hermione said.

Harry had not said anything the entire time; the short blond boy looked oddly familiar. As he racked his brain for a memory the boy faced the stool, with his back to the crowd.

"I remember him!" Harry nearly shouted. "He was with that Umbridge lady and some other bloke from the Ministry!"

"Hey, you didn't tell us there was another kid at the Ministry!" Ron said.

"I forgot," Harry admitted; the events of the day drew his thoughts from the strange blond and he never thought about it until now.

"Well…it _does_ make sense…" Hermione said under her breath.

"What's that 'Minoe?" Ron asked.

GRYFFINDOR! The Hat shouted to the hall. Everyone at the Gryffindor table applauded as Ed approached with a cheeky smile.

"Remember the magical schools are really competitive and suspicious of each other. Edward would have to go through the government for approval and testing. Maybe Umbridge is his advisor?" Harry looked at the toadlike woman perched in her seat and saw her smirk as Ed approached. Ed situated himself across from the trio and Dumbledore stood up to speak.

"To our newcomers," said Dumbledore in a ringing voice, his arms stretched wide and a beaming smile on his lips, "Welcome! To our old hands-welcome back! There is a time for speech- making, but this is not it. Tuck in!"

Ed almost fell out of his seat when the food magically appeared on the table. Ron sniggered a bit while Hermione gave him a reproachful look.

"You okay?" Harry asked.

"Um, yeah…"

"Harry Potter," Harry said. Ed nodded to him.

"Ron," Ron said as he focused on pouring as much gravy on his potatoes as he could.

"And I'm Hermione Granger. Nice to meet you Edward."

"Just call me Ed."

"So Ed," Hermione began, "what year are you, and what made you decide to come to Hogwarts?"

Ed took a moment to eat his steak before answering. "Here I would be fifth year, and I came here to expand my magical education."

"You're a fifth year! Blimey look young!" Ron said.

"I'M NOT SHORT!"Ed shouted, silencing several chattering groups around him and causing people to stare. Harry, Ron and Hermione shared a look.

"I never said you were…" Ron replied with amusement.

"So what do you mean when you say 'expanding your magical education'?" Harry asked. "Is it common where you're from to go study at another school?"

Ed, restraining himself, settled for glowering at Ron.

"It is optional to study abroad in years 7-10." Ed said.

"7-10? How many years do you spend in school anyway?" Harry asked.

"We enter school at the age of six and continue until the age of eighteen." Ed said. "We're in school for 12 years."

"Is it difficult studying abroad? I mean, it's not very common here." Hermione said.

Ed shrugged. "It's very time consuming and expensive; many students don't want to go through the trouble."

Suddenly the hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he shivered.

"Are you OK Ed?" Hermione asked.

"Just a cold breeze…" Ed muttered.

"No it is just I." A new voice said. A pearly white figure was floating behind Ed. "Hello, you must be the new transfer. I am Sir Nicholas de-"

This time Ed actually fell out of his seat in surprise.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" _Ed shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the semi-transparent figure.

"It's a ghost," Harry replied, slightly surprised at Ed's overreaction.

"I prefer the term ectoplasmic-"

"What?! That can't be true! How can a ghost exist? It goes against the laws of nature!" Ed shouted.

"Ed, please try to calm down," Hermione said.

"No!" Ed snapped, and then whirled around to face the offending ghost. "What are you really? What kind of alchemy is this?!" Ed asked aggressively.

Nearly Headless Nick smiled sadly. "It appears Edward here isn't responding very well to my presence. Perhaps I should sit elsewhere."

"Wait a minute, answer my question damnit!" Ed hollered.

"Wait Nick, don't go!" Hermione said desperately.

"No, it's ok; those who had suffered a very traumatic loss often respond the worst to ectoplasmic beings," Nick said, gliding to the other end of the table. Ed watched him go, intense dislike etched on his face. Harry and Ron shared looks of confusion while Hermione frowned at Ed. He gave them a glare, his golden eyes flashing, and the rest of the meal was continued in silence.

When the food faded from the platters (Ed flinched as it disappeared), Dumbledore rose to his feet. As the headmaster went on, Harry noticed the sad and thoughtful expression on the blond alchemist's face.

_Nick said those with traumatic experiences are most affected by the presence of a ghost…what could he have experienced, to be so hostile towards ghosts?_

Harry's musings were interrupted by a "Hem, _hem."_

"Thank you, Headmaster," Umbridge simpered, "for those kind words of welcome. Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing very pointed teeth. "And to see such happy little faces looking up at me!"

Harry glanced around the Hall to see who was she talking about; most of the students looked surprised to be addressed like four year olds. Ed had a disbelieving look on his face.

"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all and I'm sure we'll be very good friends!"

Umbridge cleared her throat and started a long speech that sounded like someone typed beforehand.

"That was quite illumining." Hermione muttered in a low voice after Umbridge finished.

"You're not telling me you enjoyed it?" Ron said quietly, turning a glazed face towards Hermione. "That was about the dullest speech I've ever heard, and _I_ grew up with Percy."

"I said illuminating, not enjoyable," said Hermione. "It explained a lot."

"Did it?" Harry replied in surprise. "Sounded like a load of waffle to me."

"There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle," said Hermione grimly.

"Was there?" Ron asked blankly.

"How about: "progress for progress's sake must be discouraged"? How about: "pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited"?"

"Well, what does that mean?" Ron asked impatiently.

"I'll tell you what it means," Hermione stated through gritted teeth. "It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts."

There was a great clattering and banging all around them; Dumbledore had obviously just dismissed the school, because everyone was standing up ready to leave the Hall. Hermione jumped up, looking flustered.

"Ron, we're supposed to show the first years where to go!"

"Oh yeah," said Ron, who had obviously forgotten. "Hey—hey you lot! Midgets!"

He was swiftly elbowed by a certain short blond alchemist.

"Who the hell are you calling a midget carrot top!?!"

"Carrot top?" Ron squeaked.

"_Edward! _You're not supposed to do that!" Hermione hissed.

"It's Ed" the blond said bluntly. Ron gave him a searing look.

While Ron and Hermione directed the new Gryffindor first years, Harry gave a friendly grin at one of them. The small blonde boy nudged another first year and whispered something in her ear, causing the other to look terrified. Harry's friendly smile slowly evaporated off of his face and he dully said bye to his friends. Harry made his way out the hall before he realized someone was following him.

"Hey, could you show me where the common room is?" Ed asked, breaking Harry out of his depression.

"Yeah, sure," Harry responded in a dull tone. The two made their way to Gryffindor.

"So, how many passages can I take to the tower?" Ed asked, breaking the long stretch of silence between them.

"I'm not sure; you have to do a bit of exploring to find the best shortcuts. I found this one night when I needed to get back to the common room quickly."

"I see," Harry threw a glance in Ed's direction.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked.

"What?"

"I mean, are you OK? From dinner. You seemed..."

Ed waved his hand dismissively.

"They don't have ghosts at your school?"

"No," Ed said.

"So…is your school like Hogwarts?"

"…Not really," Ed said. He did not elaborate, and Harry didn't ask anymore questions. They walked the rest of the way in renewed silence until they arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Ed asked.

"We're supposed to give a password, but I don't know what it is..." Harry said sheepishly. Ed rolled his eyes.

"No password, no entry," she said loftily.

"Harry, I know it!" Neville shouted ecstatically. "Guess what it is? I'm actually going to be able to remember it for once –"He waved a stunted little cactus thing excitedly.

"What the hell is _that?!_" Ed asked in disgust, staring at the ugly plant thing.

"_Mimbulus mimbletonia!_"

"Correct," said the Fat Lady, and her portrait swung open towards them like a door, revealing a circular hole in the wall behind, through which Harry and Neville climbed, followed by Ed. Harry climbed the familiar tower to his dorm, where six four poster beds were waiting for their occupants.

"Hey, you're the exchange kid, right?" one of the boys, a tall black boy, asked while rummaging through his trunk. "I'm Dean Thomas. This bloke over here is Seamus."

"And I'm Neville." Neville said while he carefully placed his cactus on the windowsill.

Ed gave a grunt that sounded suspiciously like his name, then collapsed on his bed.

"So Harry," Dean said, "Good holiday?"

"Not bad," Harry muttered; he wasn't in the mood to recount everything that happened. "You?"

"Yeah, it was OK," chuckled Dean. "Better than Seamus's, anyway, he was just telling me."

"What happened?" Neville asked.

Seamus took the time to fiddle around with a poster before responding, "Me mam didn't want me to come back."

"What?" Harry said.

"She didn't want me to come back to Hogwarts."

"But why?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Well," Seamus said in a measured voice, "I supposed...because of you."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked quickly; he had an idea of where this was heading, and it made him angry.

"Well...it's not just you, it's Dumbledore too..."

"She believes the Daily Prophet? She thinks I'm a liar and Dumbledore's an old fool?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Harry didn't reply; he was tired of being ridiculed, of being taken as a liar and some kind of joke. Part of him almost wished they could've seen what he saw in the graveyard. _Then they would know _he thought bitterly.

Before he closed his hangings, Seamus asked, "Look...what _did_ happen that night when...you know, when...with Cedric Diggory and all?"

The room went still, except for the sound of Ed rummaging through his trunk.

"What are you asking me for?" Harry retorted. "Just read the Daily Prophet like your mother, why don't you? That'll tell you all you need to know."

"Don't have a go at my mother," Seamus snapped.

"I'll have a go at anyone who calls me a liar," said Harry.

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk to you how I want," said Harry, his temper rising so fast he snatched his wand back from his bedside table. "If you've got a problem sharing a dormitory with me, go and ask McGonagall if you can be moved… stop your mummy worrying -"

'Leave my mother out of this, Potter!'

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Everyone looked at Ed. The blond alchemist was sitting up on his bed with his golden eyes glaring harshly.

"You guys are seriously pissing me off," he said, storming over to the dormitory door. He kicked it open and nearly plowed right over Ron in his anger.

"What's his problem?" Ron mumbled before continuing into the room.

********

Ed made his way to the common room and sat in one of the armchairs by the fire. He sighed and rubbed his left hand through his hair.

_Damn, it seems like there's a lot going on here...__first there's the media. The newspaper is saying that Harry and Dumbledore are crazy… is the newspaper influencing the government or is the government influencing the paper? It may be the latter…but why would the government and the paper go through so much trouble to discredit some kid and a respected old man? What's in it for them? _

_Then there's the info I acquired from my ex-bodyguards...I wonder…it could be that Dumbledore is telling the truth and Volley is back. In fact, Volley may be pulling the strings behind this whole operation. But why bring me here?_

Ed stood up, eager for movement. He slipped out the portrait hole and walked down the corridor._  
_

_All of this 'magic' makes no sense. It doesn't appear to follow any laws, natural or alchemic. And what the hell is up with all of this nonsense about ghosts? What _are_ those things? Could it be another form of soul transmutation? _ Ed wondered after turning into a deserted corridor. He and his mind spent the rest of the night wandering, one around the castle, the other around unanswered questions and scenarios of a life that could have been.

* * *

Kame: …uh, nothing to say on my part…review please?


	9. Confrontations galore

Disclaimer: Please see previous chapter

Chapter 9: Confrontations galore

Hermione eagerly ran down the stairs to the common room. When she reached the seemingly deserted common room she sat in one of the chairs, impatiently waiting for her two friends to come down. While she tapped her foot, a glimmer of gold in one of the chairs caught her eye. She was surprised to discover a sleeping Ed sprawled out, fully dressed in Hogwarts attire.

Ed grunted as he stirred, moving his head to the other side of the chair. Hermione gently shook the sleeping alchemist, but failed to wake him. Before she could try anything else, Harry and Ron entered the common room, Harry looking slightly peeved.

"Hermione, c'mon, let's go to breakfast already," Ron said.

"Ok, but we need to wake up Ed; he needs to come down to get his schedule."

"Geeze Hermione, I can't believe how much you love school," Ron said. "Let's just go; he can get up whenever he wants."

"Ron, he may not remember the way to the Hall. As prefects, it's our job to help our fellow Housemates." Hermione said.

"It's too early to deal with someone who's funny about being short-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN RIDE PLANKTON!" A very wide awake Ed shouted, glaring daggers at Ron. Harry snorted, amused at the blond's reaction and his troubles temporarily forgotten.

"I guess you don't like being called short, do you?" Harry asked in amusement.

"LOOK, I' M NOT SMALL! I'M TIRED OF TELLING YOU DAMNIT!" He was already aware of the fact that all three of them were taller than him.

"Well, let's-oh for heaven's sake," she sighed, looking at a large sign tacked on the announcement board. It was an ad looking for first years to test the twin Weasely brothers', Fred and George, jokes products. She shook her head and took down the signs.

"So Harry, you looked a bit depressed this morning. What was wrong?" Hermione asked while the group made their way to the Great Hall.

_Why wouldn't he be depressed in this weather?_ Ed thought as he looked out the windows. The sky was crowded with dark, heavy clouds.

_It won't rain though....ports aren't aching._

The group entered the Great Hall.

"Well… maybe he didn't want to draw attention to Hagrid not being here," Hermione said.

"'What d'you mean, draw attention to it?" said Ron, half-laughing. "How could we not notice?"

"Who's Hagrid?" Ed asked as he sat next to Neville.

"Hagrid's the Care of Magical Creatures teacher," Neville said. "I wonder why he's not here."

"So what about the other lady?" Ed asked after a sip of orange juice.

"Well, she was up here before when Hagrid couldn't teach…her lessons are a bit more…_predictable_, than Hagrid's," Neville finished with a wince.

"What does that mean?" Ed asked. Before he could get an answer, a tall black girl with long braided hair marched up to Harry.

"Hi, Angelina," Harry greeted.

"Hi," she said briskly, "good summer?" And without waiting for an answer, "Listen, I've been made Gryffindor Quidditch Captain."

"Nice one," said Harry, grinning at her.

"Yeah, well, we need a new Keeper now Oliver's left. Tryouts are on Friday at five o'clock and I want the whole team there, all right? Then we can see how the new person will fit in."

"OK," said Harry. Angelina smiled at him and departed.

_Quid-what? What the hell is that?!_ The soft fluttering of wings interrupted Ed as the air above the tables were filled with hundreds of owls delivering mail and packages to their owners. Ed's attention was attracted to McGonagall, who was moving along the table handing out schedules.

"Here you are Elric," McGonagall said when she handed the blond boy his schedule. "If you have any questions or concerns about your schedule, please feel free to talk to me in my office."

"Thanks Professor," Ed said. Today he had History of Magic, Potions, Divination, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.

_Damnit, she gave me that class. I should have been more specific…_ Ed pinched his nose as he glared at Divination. He was actually surprised they gave him the class, considering he didn't even take the exam. He wondered if Umbridge had something to do with it. Ron also held negative feelings towards his classes.

"Look at today!" groaned Ron. "History of Magic, double Potions, Divination and double Defense Against the Dark Arts… Binns, Snape, Trelawney and that Umbridge woman all in one day! I wish Fred and George'd hurry up and get those Skiving Snackboxes sorted…"

"Do mine ears deceive me?" a tall red-haired boy said as he approached the trio with another tall red-haired boy. Both boys looked exactly the same, down to the arrangement of freckles on their face.

"Hogwarts prefects surely don't wish to skive off lessons?"

"Look what we've got today," said Ron grumpily, shoving his timetable under one of the twin's nose. "That's the worst Monday I've ever seen."

"Fair point, little bro," the boy said. "You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like."

"Why's it cheap?" said Ron suspiciously.

"Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet," said the other twin, helping himself to a kipper.

"Cheers," said Ron moodily, pocketing his timetable, "but I think I'll take the lessons."

The two twins suddenly noticed the blond alchemist staring at them and both cracked two perfectly identical evil smiles.

"You're the exchange student, right?" One twin asked.

"Yeah…" Ed responded, glancing warily at the twins.

"Well, I'm Fred," one twin chimed.

"And I'm George," The other finished.

"Weasely," they finished together.

"I'm Edward, but call me Ed. And what the hell is a Nosebleed Nougat; it sounds gross."

The twins' smile stretched even more.

"Would you like to try one and see for yourself?" George offered sweetly, a manic glint in his eye.

"And speaking of your Skiving Snackboxes," Hermione butted in, eyeing Fred and George beadily, "you can't advertise for testers on the Gryffindor notice board."

"Says who?" said George, looking astonished.

"Says me," said Hermione. "And Ron."

"Leave me out of it," said Ron hastily. Hermione glared at him. Fred and George sniggered.

"You'll be singing a different tune soon enough, Hermione," said Fred, thickly buttering a crumpet.

"You're starting your fifth year, you'll be begging us for a Snackbox before long."

"And why would starting fifth year mean I want a Skiving Snackbox?" asked Hermione.

"Fifth year's OWL year," said George.

"So?"

"So you've got your exams coming up, haven't you? They'll be keeping your noses so hard to that grindstone they'll be rubbed raw," said Fred with satisfaction.

_Exams._ _Do I really need to take them? I suppose I'll ask Umfrog the next time I see her._

Before Ed could see Umbridge, however, he had to get though History of Magic, which was a very difficult thing. Apart from being irritated by the fact he was a ghost, Professor Binns had a voice that resembled a motor droning on in a factory, and like said motor, he seemed to go on endlessly. Ed sat wondering about other things like what Al was doing while drawing transmutation circles on his parchment. He realized dully that based on what the Furher had asked of him, this was something he should be paying attention to.

_Oh well, I guess I'll just read up on it in the library; it'll be better than listening to motor voice._

When the bell ranged, Ed gathered his stuff quickly and headed to his next class.

*****

Severus Snape entered the room after Ron, Harry and Hermione took their usual seats. He glided softly into the classroom, his black eyes glittering malevolently as he eyed the students.

"Settle down" he said coldly, shutting the door behind him. To his surprise, the door did not close; a short blond boy was holding the door open.

"Sorry for being late; I'm still getting the hang of this place." The blond boy smiled as he entered the room. Then he saw Snape. His smile immediately turned into a frown, and Snape eyed the boy with loathing.

"Well, if it isn't the new exchange student, Mr. Elric," He sneered as he made his way to his desk. "Hurry up and have a seat." Ed stomped to the back of the classroom and sat at the empty seat next to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Oh, and Mr. Elric, fifteen points from Gryffindor for being late, ten points for interrupting me and another ten for the cheek the other day," Snape said, causing the Gryffindors in the class to moan and the Slytherins to smile with glee. "All because you are the size of a first year does not mean I will allow you to make excuses like one."

"I would rather look like a first year than a slimy haired bastard!" Ed growled before he could stop himself. The room completely emptied of air as everyone held their breath. No one had ever insulted Snape in front of a class before. Harry, Ron and Hermione were stunned and horrified.

"What did you say, Elric?" Snape said, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Oh, you didn't hear me? Maybe all of that grease from your hair is blocking your ears," Ed retorted.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor and a week's worth of detentions, Elric," Snape snarled. Before Ed could respond again, Hermione pulled on his sleeve and shook her head. Both stared each other down, Ed looking furious and Snape enjoying his apparent victory over the boy.

"It was very wise of Granger to stop you before you made a very foolhardy mistake," He sneered. "It is obvious you are ignorant of the way things are done here at Hogwarts, and I suggest you have someone tell you before you get hurt."

Ed seethed; he wanted nothing more than to pound Snape's overly large nose into his face…with his right arm.

Snape continued with his lecture on the OWLs exam and set them to work on the Draught of Peace. Harry and most of the other Gryffindors were struggling with their potions; the Draught of Peace was a very sensitive potion, having to be stirred in a certain direction for a certain number of minutes and ingredients needed to be added at just the right time. However, there were two Gryffindors who weren't having a difficult time brewing the potion. Snape said nothing to Hermione as he passed by, and couldn't say anything to Ed, who, to his displeasure, was brewing a prefect potion. Unable to bully Ed, Snape advanced on the next best thing: Harry.

After humiliating Harry in front of the class, homework was assigned and class was dismissed. Harry was the first one out the room when the bell rang, leaving Hermione and Ron behind with a still seething Ed.

"That stupid, greasy bastard," He growled as he trailed behind Hermione and Ron.

"I can't believe you said all that stuff to him in front of his class!" Ron said. "Are you _mental_!?!"

"What the hell is his problem anyway?"

"Don't take it personally; he's always like that towards other students except his own; he's the Head of Slytherin House. Though now after today, it would be personal towards you." Ron said as they made their way to the Great Hall.

"And you should really try to not butt heads with him; he could fail you!" Hermione added.

"I don't give a damn about grades," Ed muttered to a scandalized Hermione, "and what was all that about points?"

Hermione tried to explain the concept and purpose of the inter-house competition.

"So you're saying we get points for kissing ass and the best ass kissers get a trophy," Ed stated.

"You're missing the point Ed," Hermione sighed. She sat next to Harry.

"That was really unfair," said Hermione consolingly. "Your potion wasn't nearly as bad as Goyle's; when he put it in his flagon the whole thing shattered and set his robes on fire."

"Yeah, well," said Harry, glowering at his plate, "since when has Snape ever been fair to me?"

"I kinda thought he would be better this year…" she trailed off after watching Ed drink a bowl of soup.

"Poisonous toadstools don't change their spots," said Ron sagely. "Anyway I've always thought Dumbledore was cracked to trust Snape-"

Hermione kicked Ron under the table.

"-because he's such a git." Ron amended. Ed continued eating his soup, noticing the skirting looks he received.

_They can't hold a secret to save their lives…wonder what the grease monkey did, though…_

The trio continued their conversation, after which Harry stomped off and Hermione departed for her next class.

"Hey Carrot Top, where's the next class?" Ed asked as Ron grabbed his stuff. The red head gave Ed an incredulous look.

"Don't call me that," Ron grumbled, moving up the staircase.

"Fine, whatever," Ed shrugged, "let's just hurry up; the sooner we get to class, the sooner I can get back to sleep."

Ron snorted. "You don't like Divination either?"

"It's all a bunch of nonsense," Ed said, "telling the future by reading some soggy leaves in the bottom of a cup."

"Was Divination at your school like this?"

"Yeah, it was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo about unlucky hare feet and whatever."

The pair climbed a ladder and emerged in the classroom.

_Looks like some old lady's tacky attic _Ed mused, eyeing all the little pouf chairs and tea tables cluttered in the room. The heavy incense burning in the room caused Ed to sneeze. Ron made his way to Harry while Ed sat at Seamus's table, much to the displeasure of the other boy.

"Hermione and me have stopped arguing," Ron said.

"Good," grunted Harry.

"But Hermione says she thinks it would be nice if you stopped taking out your temper on us," said Ron.

"I'm not –"

"I'm just passing on the message," said Ron, talking over him. "But I reckon she's right. It's not our fault how Seamus and Snape treat you."

"I never said it –"

"Good-day," said Professor Trelawney in her usual misty, dreamy voice, and Harry broke off, again feeling both annoyed and slightly ashamed of himself. "And welcome back to Divination. I have, of course, been following your fortunes most carefully over the holidays, and am delighted to see that you have all returned to Hogwarts safely - as, of course, I knew you would."

Ed snorted rather loudly, not even bothering to pass it off as a sneeze. Professor Trelawney turned her attention on him.

"Ah yes, it was foretold that a stranger would join our midst. Welcome to Divination. Your aura tells of vast journeys and many experiences…"

"What an insightful thing to tell a foreign exchange student," Ed said, rolling his eyes.

"However…you need to be wary, young traveler...for I see destruction in your path!" Trelawney said with a dramatic pointing finger.

"Probably my brain from listening to this garbage," Ed mumbled.

Professor Trelawney looked appalled. "You sneer and mock the noble arts, yet once you have seen the Truth- "

Ed's heart stopped for a minute.

"-you will realize the value of my predictions."

Ed relaxed and yawned loudly. Professor Trelawney threw him a look of dislike.

Most of the class was spent reading a long and rather boring introduction, and then they split into pairs and struggled to interpret each other's dreams. Ed spent the period lightly dozing, much to the dismay of his partner, Seamus.

"Hey, we're supposed to be interpreting each other's dream," he mumbled in an annoyed tone.

"Fine, tell me your dream and we can start," Ed replied. Scowling slightly, Seamus launched into his dream about walking on a tightrope with no safety net.

"It's obvious what that dream means," Ed said with a flourish, his eyes still closed, "it means you need to stay away from places with tightropes. Now we're done." Seamus had a look somewhere between irritation and amusement.

"Hurry up and tell me your dream then," he said. Ed frowned slightly, keeping his eyes closed.

"I don't have dreams," he said simply._ I have nightmares._

_********  
_

Ed was not happy when he strolled into Umbridge's classroom later that day; based on her obnoxious, power-hungry personality, he deducted that this class would be the worst he would experience all day. The only consolation was that since he was in a room full of other people, she couldn't address him directly.

"Well, good afternoon!" she said, when finally the whole class had sat down.

A few people mumbled "good afternoon" in reply.

"Tut, tut," said Professor Umbridge. "_That_ won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply "Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge". One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"

"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," they chanted back at her.

"There, now," said Professor Umbridge sweetly. That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."

Ed had to work very hard to prevent himself from hitting his head against the desk; the one thing he hated was an adult whom treated him like a child. _And she's talking to us like a remedial preschool class…_

Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wand, which was an unusually short one, and tapped the blackboard sharply with it; words appeared on the board at once:

_Defense__ Against __the Dark Arts: A Return to Basic Principles_

"Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it?" stated Professor Umbridge, turning to face the class with her hands clasped neatly in front of her.

"The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your OWL year.

"You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following, please."

She rapped the blackboard again; the first message vanished and was replaced by the 'Course Aims'.

_. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic._

_. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used._

_. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use._

For a couple of minutes the room was full of the sound of scratching quills on parchment. When everyone had copied down Professor Umbridge's three course aims she asked, "Has everybody got a copy of_Defensive Magical Theory_by Wilbert Slinkhard?"

There was a dull murmur of assent throughout the class.

"I think we'll try that again," said Professor Umbridge. "When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply, "Yes, Professor Umbridge", or "No, Professor Umbridge". So: has everyone got a copy of _Defensive Magical Theory_by Wilbert Slinkhard?"

"Yes, Professor Umbridge," rang through the room.

"Good," said Professor Umbridge. "I should like you to turn to page five and read "Chapter One, Basics for Beginners. There will be no need to talk."

While everyone else turned to the page and started reading, Ed simply tilted his chair and watched everyone. He glanced at Umbridge and noticed she was staring pointedly at him. He smirked and stared back, daring her to say something to him for not following her instructions. However, Umbridge broke eye contact first, noticing that half of the class was watching her instead of reading.

"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" she asked Hermione.

"Not about the chapter, no," said Hermione.

"Well, we're reading just now," said Professor Umbridge, showing her small pointed teeth. "If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."

"I've got a query about your course aims," said Hermione. Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows.

"And your name is?"

"Hermione Granger," said Hermione.

"Well, Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully" said Professor Umbridge in a voice of determined sweetness.

"Well, I don't," said Hermione bluntly. "There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells."

There was a short silence in which many members of the class turned their heads to frown at the three course aims still written on the blackboard. Ed quirked his eyebrow.

_This is going to be more interesting than I thought._

"Using defensive spells?" Professor Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"

"We're not going to use magic?" Ron exclaimed loudly.

"Students raise their hands when they wish to speak in my class, Mr-?"

"Weasley," said Ron, thrusting his hand into the air.

Professor Umbridge, smiling still more widely, turned her back on him. Harry and Hermione immediately raised their hands too. Professor Umbridge's pouchy eyes lingered on Harry for a moment before she addressed Hermione.

"Yes, Miss Granger? You wanted to ask something else?"

"Yes," said Hermione. "Surely the whole point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to practice defensive spells?"

Ed watched the farce going on in Umbridge's class, smirking as more of the class got involved. _Guess Umbridge didn't count on the class being this observant._

"Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?" inquired Professor Umbridge in a horribly honeyed voice.

"Hmm, let's think…" said Harry in a mock thoughtful voice. "Maybe… _Lord Voldemort"_

Ron gasped; Lavender Brown uttered a little scream; Neville slipped sideways off his stool. Ed raised his eyebrows even further.

Professor Umbridge, however, did not flinch. She was staring at Harry with a grimly satisfied expression on her face.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter."

The classroom was silent and still. Everyone was staring at either Umbridge or Harry.

"Now, let me make a few things quite plain. You have been told that a certain Dark wizard has returned from the dead –"

"He wasn't dead," said Harry angrily, "but yeah, he's returned!"

Ed stopped tilting his chair. _If he wasn't dead in the first place, then...this changes things._

"Mr-Potter-you-have-already-lost-your-house-ten-points-do-not-make-matters-worse-for-yourself," said Professor Umbridge in one breath without looking at him. "As I was saying, you have been informed that a certain Dark wizard is at large once again. This is _a lie_."

"It is NOT a lie!" said Harry. "I saw him, I fought him!"

"Detention, Mr. Potter!" said Professor Umbridge triumphantly. "Tomorrow evening. Five o'clock. My office. I repeat, this is _a lie_. The Ministry of Magic guarantees that you are not in danger from any Dark wizard. If you are still worried, by all means come and see me outside class hours. If someone is alarming you with fibs about reborn Dark wizards, I would like to hear about it. I am here to help. I am your friend. And now, you will kindly continue your reading. Page five, "Basics for Beginners."

Professor Umbridge sat down behind her desk. Harry, however, stood up. Everyone was staring at him; Seamus looked half-scared, half-fascinated.

"Harry, no!" Hermione whispered in a warning voice, tugging at his sleeve, but Harry jerked his arm out of her reach.

"So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord, did he?" Harry asked, his voice shaking.

There was a collective intake of breath from the class, for none of them, apart from Ron and Hermione, had ever heard Harry talk about what had happened on the night Cedric had died. They stared avidly from Harry to Professor Umbridge, who had raised her eyes and was staring at him without a trace of a fake smile on her face.

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident," she said coldly.

"It was murder," said Harry. He could feel himself shaking. He had hardly spoken to anyone about this, least of all thirty eagerly listening classmates. "Voldemort killed him and you know it."

Professor Umbridge's face was quite blank. For a moment, Harry thought she was going to scream at him. Then she said, in her softest, most sweetly girlish voice, "Come here, Mr. Potter, dear."

He kicked his chair aside, strode around Ron and Hermione and up to the teacher's desk. He could feel the rest of the class holding its breath. He felt so angry he did not care what happened next.

Professor Umbridge pulled a small roll of pink parchment out of her handbag, stretched it out on the desk, dipped her quill into a bottle of ink and started scribbling, hunched over so that Harry could not see what she was writing. Nobody spoke. After a minute or so she rolled up the parchment and tapped it with her wand; it sealed itself seamlessly so that he could not open it.

"Take this to Professor McGonagall, dear," said Professor Umbridge, holding out the note to him.

Ed watched Harry with a critical eye as he stomped out of the classroom.

_He's seriously pissed; he sincerely believes what he says. And if he was right about Volley never being dead in the first place…his story has more credibility. If he did something similar to what Al and I did, he could get his body back. Did he use a Philosopher's Stone for his body? In fact, how was his soul bonded, if Harry supposedly defeated him when he was a baby? Did someone else do it? Did he use another method to get his body back? If he did, what price did he have to pay, if he paid any at all? This will require a lot of research and a little bit of coxing from Harry to find the answers. I wonder though…if I do manage to find out how Volley did it will I be willing to do the same for Al? _

* * *

Kame: Let me know….Let me know, let me know….


	10. The Battle of Wits with the Bat

Chapter 10: The Battle of Wits with the Bat

"Mr. Elric, I need to have a word with you," someone simpered to Ed. He groaned and watched everyone else go off for dinner.

"What is it now?" Ed asked after taking a seat on top one of the desks.

"Well you now see what we're up against," Umbridge said. "As you just witnessed, those kinds of petty lies are starting to disrupt everyday life."

"I still don't understand what the big deal is. Who cares if he's telling lies?"

"The big deal is that the Wizarding community is very sensitive to those kinds of lies," Umbridge spat. "I will not let a ruffian disrupt the peace we worked so hard for just so he can get attention."

"Isn't Harry considered some kind of hero?" Ed asked offhand.

"Yes; unfortunately, the fame went to his damaged little brain."

_Amazing how quickly people can turn on their 'heroes.'_

"So, you're actually going to teach a practical subject without letting the students practice," Ed stated.

"As I stated earlier in the class, Elric, there is no need to use the spells—"

"How can you teach alchemy without practice?" Ed asked. "Learning the theory isn't enough; you need to actually_perform_—"

"Elric, I am not going to discuss the subject with you," Umbridge said sharply.

"It doesn't make any sense to _not_ actually perform the spells or whatever you call them! Even if Harry was lying, what does that have to do with performing the spells?"

"Shut up," Umbridge snapped, "You are a foreigner, and a foreigner who knows nothing about our ways and magic. This is beyond your realm of understanding. People far more experienced in the subject matter than you have determined this. Don't think just because you learned some spells and passed a test that you're an expert on the subject."

_I see…there's something more here._

"Anyway, I expect you to keep a close eye on Harry. From now on, I hold you responsible for anything involving Potter."

"WHAT!"

"You are in the same year, dorm and classes as Potter. It should be easy for you."

"What am I, his babysitter?"

"In a way, yes. Now go do your job," Umbridge said. Ed stomped to the door.

"Oh, and Elric, If you resist me again in class, you will regret."

"Sounds like an interesting threat," Ed said lightly.

"There is an interesting punishment behind it as well. You're dismissed."

When Ed reached the Great Hall, the smell of food caused his mouth to water. As soon as entered, a tweedy-looking Slytherin blocked him.

"Snape says your detention with him starts tonight at 8. Hope you have fun, you mudblood Yank," The boy sneered.

"Call me that again and I'll pound your weedy-looking ass into the ground."

"I'm not afraid of some pint size-"

Ed grabbed the boy by the front of his robes before he could finish.

"Did you call me short?" Ed whispered with a dark look in his eyes.

"What is going on here? Elric, release Nott immediately."

Ed reluctantly obeyed.

"P-professor, I told Elric about his detention and he attacked me," Nott said.

"That bastard called me a dirtblood or something like that."

"Physical assault is not tolerated here at Hogwarts Elric," Snape said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor for assaulting Nott, another ten for foul language."

"What!"

"Twenty for shouting. Don't be late," Snape said before he swept towards the staff table. As Ed walked by people started to mutter.

"That exchange kid's a psycho! Did you hear how he called _Snape _out?"

"What? No way!"

"He should be dead by now!"

"Seriously!"

"I guess he's pulling a Harry Potter then…"

"Are they friends? Nutters of a feather…"

"Golden hair, golden eyes…he's almost like the lion of Gryffindor House!"

"More like werewolf, with that savage temper…"

"A half-breed maybe?"

When Ed sat down at the table, he could feel McGonagall and Umbridge burning holes in the back of his head.

"Y'know, it might be a wise idea to calm down a bit," Hermione said. Ed said nothing as he ripped into some roast beef.

"You can't lose your cool every time someone calls you short," Hermione said.

"I'm _not _short."

"Oh, are you just vertically challenged then?" Ron asked. Ed kicked Ron with his automail leg.

"There's nothing wrong with my height," Ed said through gritted teeth.

"Fine, whatever," Ron grumbled while rubbing his leg.

"Why did Umbridge want to talk to you?" Hermione asked.

"She was mad at me because I wasn't reading," Ed said with a roll of his eyes.

"She's such a horrible woman to say such things about Cedric," Hermione said.

"What happened anyway?"

"We don't know," Ron snapped at Ed.

"So you believe Harry?" Ed asked.

"Of course! Harry wouldn't lie about something so serious!" Hermione said.

"So you think Harry's lying and a nutter?" Ron asked heatedly.

"How can I think he's lying when I don't even know what he said?"

"Wait a minute, how do you even know about what happened here last June?" Ron asked.

"I read the news," Ed said dryly.

"You read British news? In America?"

"A student ended up dead at an international competition and another claimed some mass murdering psycho is back; do you really think only one country would report that in the papers?" Ed asked.

Harry suddenly appeared and sat between Ron and Hermione, trying his best to ignore the whispering that broke out when he arrived.

"He says he saw Cedric Diggory murdered…"

"He reckons he dueled with You-Know-Who…"

"Come off it…"

"Who does he think he's kidding?"

"What I don't get," said Harry through clenched teeth, "is why they all believed the story two months ago when Dumbledore told them…"

"The thing is, Harry, I'm not sure they did," said Hermione grimly. "Oh, let's get out of here."

Ed watched the trio leave the Great Hall.

* * *

"Snape." Ed said.

"You're late Elric," Snape sneered. "We're going to have to add on another…hour to the end of your detention. And perhaps another ten points from Gryffindor for not addressing me properly. You are to call me Sir or Professor. I'm sure that even you're _tiny_ mind should be able to comprehend that _little_bit information, Elric."

Ed literally bit his tongue to prevent himself from responding.

"Good, it seems you're already getting better at controlling your outbursts," Snape said. "You've only been in detention for a minute, and you already _grown_ an _inch_ of maturity."

Ed's brow twitched as he eyeballed the man in front of him.

"Well, Elric, since there's no one here to _step_on you," Snape said, pausing to enjoy the anger ticking in Ed's face, "you will be pickling horned slugs so I can use them in my classes next week."

"Is that all _Professor_?" Ed asked with a hint of a snarl.

"Of course not," Snape said, his lip curling, "I have an entire evening of fun things you can do to pass the time." He resumed his planning of next week's lessons. Ed glared at the man for several minutes before he looked up.

"Well, Elric, what are you waiting for? Surely these slugs are not going to pickle themselves? You mean to tell me you didn't notice the large cauldron set in the back with the pickling solution? Or maybe you _couldn't_see it over the desks?"

Ed growled as he pushed the barrel full of slugs, wishing only the slowest, most painful, humiliating death possible on the Potions master. He opened the lid, revealing hundreds of slimy, squishy slugs glinting in the dim lighting of the dungeon. Ed scooped the slugs using a large cup he found and emptied the contents into the large, black cauldron. The surface hissed and turned a murky green color before Ed added another scoop. When the cauldron was full he tried to stir it, but the potion turned the consistency of glue.

"Anyone with even a _small_ amount of common sense would know that you can't stir a pot of horned slugs while pickling," Snape drawled from the front.

"One punch for every joke about my height," Ed muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something Elric?"

"I was wondering how long this stuff is supposed to sit," Ed said.

"You can't figure it out? I was under the impression that you were some sort of genius; after all, it's not every day when a ten year old is promoted to fifth year," Snape said.

"_Professor_, I would hate for an _accident_ to _happen_ because you didn't tell me how to brew it properly," Ed said through gritted teeth.

"You need to keep the potion at a constant 50 degrees Celsius for two hours, or the snails will explode, and I would hate to see that happen to you Elric," Snape said coldly, his black eyes boring into Ed's gold ones, "Although it would only show your incompetence."

"I'm more talented in potion-making than you think," Ed retorted, "or maybe the potion I made earlier was a mistake?"

"I'm inclined to think so."

"I don't need luck; potion making is a science like alchemy."

"That was almost the most intelligent thing you said all night," Snape said. "Potions have the precision and accuracy of science, but it is more than that; it is an art only a few are truly talented in it. Alchemy, however, is a half-baked scheme created to distract the greedy and should hardly be considered anything worthwhile."

"No," Ed said sharply, catching Snape off guard, "alchemy is worthwhile! It can be used to help anyone, and it takes time and patience to be able to do it properly, unlike the crackpot magic people use around here for themselves to do something as simple as unlocking a door!"

Snape raised his eyebrow. "You seem to have a very low opinion of magic...for a wizard."

"My father was an alchemist," Ed said as he adjusted the heat of the cauldron again, "and I grew up with alchemy before I was even aware magic existed. I will always be an alchemist first and foremost. The slugs are done."

"Once you put them in the jars, I want you to clean out the cauldron—without magic," Snape said.

"Fine," Ed smirked as he pointed his wand and dissolved the contents.

"Elric, didn't I just say no magic?" Snape asked icily.

"This isn't magic; it's alchemy," Ed said with a cocky smile.

* * *

The next day flashed by in a haze for Ed; Snape didn't take too kindly to his little comment about alchemy, and therefore kept him well past the time his detention was supposed to end. His wrist was sore from scrubbing the crusted cauldrons and his best pair of gloves was completely ruined. He was not in a good mood when Transfiguration started.

"You cannot pass an OWL," said Professor McGonagall grimly, "without serious application, practice and study. I see no reason why everybody in this class should not achieve an OWL in Transfiguration as long as they put in the work." Neville made a sad little disbelieving noise. "Yes, you too, Longbottom," said Professor McGonagall. "There's nothing wrong with your work except lack of confidence. So… today we are starting Vanishing Spells. These are easier than Conjuring Spells, which you would not usually attempt until NEWT level, but they are still among the most difficult magic you will be tested on in your OWL."

"Professor, could you demonstrate the spell for us?" Ed asked.

"Certainly Elric," With a wave of a wand, the entire box of snails on her front desk disappeared. "As you see, the snails have entirely disappeared. However, splinching can occur if the spell is done half-heartedly, so concentration is essential." She waved again and they reappeared. "I will give you the rest of the class period to work on this spell."

Ed carefully watched his classmates attempt to vanish their snails; Hermione accomplished it on the third try.

"Good job Granger, ten points to Gryffindor," McGonagall said.

"Where's the snail?" Ed asked.

"I vanished it," she replied.

"OK, but _where_ did you vanish the snail to?"

"Is there a problem Elric?" McGonagall interrupted.

"I was wondering what happens to the snail. Has it really disappeared from this space, and if it did, where is it now?"

"It depends on the intent of the caster," McGonagall said. "When casting any kind of spell you need three things: an incantation, the proper wand movements and the intent or focus of mind. If you will it somewhere, it should go to that place, provided you performed the spell correctly. The more complex the object, the more difficult it is to control its location; incidentally, living creatures often reappear at random locations. If you wish to bring an object back, you merely use the reverse spell. The magic trace on it will cause it to connect to your magic and be summoned by your spell. Either way, you must focus to accomplish your goal."

_Intent of mind…still doesn't explain the lack of science or Equivalent Exchange…how does the snail travel through thin air to reappear at a random location?_

Ed sighed, focused his mind and cast the spell; the creature disappeared.

"Excellent job Elric, and on the first try as well. Twenty points to Gryffindor."

Hermione threw Ed a side-long glance while Harry and Ron gaped at the blond alchemist.

When Harry and Ron headed to the library to work on their essays, Ed tagged along, eager to browse some books that can finally help him understand magic. His eyes widen in surprise as they stepped into the library; there were hundreds of shelves of books piled up to the ceiling on nearly aspect of magic anyone could think of. Ed inhaled the sweet smell of decaying pages before walking briskly to Madame Prince. Surprising both Harry and Ron he politely said hello to Madame Prince and sped off to look through some shelves. He grabbed every book that mentioned alchemy and tried to put them on reserve.

"You can't reserve that many books at once," Madame Prince stated, "you're holding books other students may need."

"How many can I put on reserve?" Ed asked with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Six."

Ed eyed the twenty or so books he had stacked up next to him.

"Can I put them all on reserve now and come check them out after dinner?"

"As I said before—"

"I'll put these six on reserve," Ed said, "and check the rest of these out."

Madame Prince raised her eyebrow, but allowed Ed to check out the remaining books. He staggered all the way to Gryffindor Tower to drop the books off, grabbed a few rolls from the Dining Hall and then headed to Care of Magical Creatures.

"Everyone here?" barked Professor Grubbly-Plank, once all the Slytherins and Gryffindors had arrived.

"Let's crack on then. Who can tell me what these things are called?"

She indicated the heap of twigs in front of her. Hermione's hand shot into the air. Behind her back, Malfoy did a buck-toothed imitation of her jumping up and down in eagerness to answer a question. Pansy Parkinson gave a shriek of laughter that turned almost at once into a scream, as the twigs on the table leapt into the air and revealed themselves to be what looked like tiny pixie-ish creatures made of wood, each with knobbly brown arms and legs, two twiglike fingers at the end of each hand and a funny flat, barklike face in which a pair of beetle-brown eyes glittered.

_Chimera_ Ed thought immediately, _though why would anyone want to make one that looks like a cross between a beetle and a midget is beyond me. Actually, the reasoning sick fucks want to make chimeras in the first place is beyond me._

"So - anyone know the names of these creatures? Miss Granger?"

"Bowtruckles," said Hermione. "They're tree-guardians, usually live in wand-trees."

"Five points for Gryffindor," said Professor Grubbly-Plank. "Yes, these are Bowtruckles, and as Miss Granger rightly says, they generally live in trees whose wood is of wand quality. Anybody know what they eat?"

"Woodlice," said Hermione promptly which explained why what Harry had taken to be grains of brown rice were moving. "But fairy eggs if they can get them."

"Good girl, take another five points. So, whenever you need leaves or wood from a tree in which a Bowtruckle lodges, it is wise to have a gift of woodlice ready to distract or placate it-"

Ed took another bite out the roll he was eating, scattering brown crumbs all over the ground. One of the bowtruckles immediately leap to Ed's feet. Surprised, Ed deftly jumped back, dropped the roll in the process, and the bowtruckle promptly devoured it.

"What the hell! Little bastard!" Ed yelled to rancorous laughter from the Slytherins.

"-or breakfasts roll handy," Grubby-Plank added. "Now you know why you should never eat in a Care of Magical Creatures class."

Professor Grubby-Plank set the class on its assignment shortly after. Ed sat with Harry, Ron and Hermione. He caught snatches of what the golden trio was whispering about Dumbledore and Hagrid. As he sketched a rather sloppy drawing of the bowtruckle, he heard an annoying drawl coming from a group of Slytherins.

"'Father was talking to the Minister just a couple of days ago, you know, and it sounds as though the Ministry's really determined to crack down on sub-standard teaching in this place. So even if that overgrown moron _does_ show up again, he'll probably be sent packing straightaway."

"OUCH!"

Harry had gripped the Bowtruckle so hard that it had almost snapped, and it had just taken a great retaliatory swipe at his hand with its sharp fingers, leaving two long deep cuts there. Ed raised his eyebrow as the little stick creature ran back to the forest.

"Stupid git just wants to act like he knows something." Ron muttered under his breath.

"What's with rat boy over there?" Ed asked, pointing over his shoulder at the group.

Ron snickered a bit and said, "Draco Malfoy. Just some git from Slytherin who thinks he's better than everyone else cause of his family."

_Another asshole to deal with…_

"But of course, an overgrown moron is better than a stunted Mudblood Yank," The blond boy jeered. "Especially one scared of ghosts."

Ed whipped around to glare at the boy and his laughing group of cronies.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED SPECK OF DIRT YOU RATFACED PRICK!

The entire group exploded with laughter after Ed's outburst.

"I guess when you're that short you hear things," Malfoy drawled.

"IF YOU SAY ONE MORE THING ABOUT MY HEIGHT I'LL-"

"You'll what? Jinx me?" Malfoy sneered. "Can your arm even reach the wand?"

"Ed, don't do anything!" Hermione pleaded. "Malfoy just wants to get you in trouble! He's not worth it!"

Ed glowered at Malfoy for a moment, and then a strange smirk filled his face.

"You're right," Ed said amicably, to the trio's surprise, "that prick's not worth the trouble." The bell ranged in the distance and the small group gathered their things.

"So where's the next class?" Ed asked, bringing his hands together.

"Across the grounds," Hermione replied as Harry angrily wrapped Hermione's scarf around his bleeding hand. Ed pushed himself off the ground and grabbed his backpack.

"I guess the Mudblood can't stand up to a challenge," Malfoy said as he too stood up, "Or maybe he's too short for-ARRRRRG!"

Where Malfoy had been standing seconds ago was now a giant sinkhole. Pansy shrieked while Crabbe and Goyle looked stupidly for their leader.

"Looks like you dug your own grave, Mal-hole," Ed smirked.

"Now what is going on here?" Professor Grubby-Plank asked.

"He made a hole in the ground for Draco to fall in!" Pansy screamed, pointing at Ed.

"Who me?" Ed asked.

"Don't play stupid!" Pansy snapped.

"Professor," Harry said, "Ed was on the ground getting his bag; he didn't have his wand out when Malfoy fell." He got a savage pleasure out of seeing Malfoy somehow punished for what he said earlier about Hagrid.

"Did you see Mr. Elric with a wand?" Professor Grubby-Plank asked.

"W-well-"

"First let's remedy the problem," Grubby-Plank said. She waved her wand and the ground was restored, Malfoy sitting on his bottom with a ruffled look. "Do watch where you're stepping next time, Mr. Mafoy. And as for _you_ Elric," Grubby-Plank said, rounding on Ed, "I'll let you off for now, but it better not happen again."

"I can't stop Mal-hole from falling flat on his face Professor," Ed sighed.

As soon as the group started across the grounds, Ron rounded on him.

"That was brilliant! How'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Ed asked.

"Made that hole Malfoy fell in! I mean, I didn't see the wand but that was obviously some kind of spell!"

"What are you talking about?" Ed asked, slightly amused.

The door of the nearest greenhouse opened and some fourth-years spilled out of it, including Ginny.

"Hi," she said brightly as she passed. A few seconds later, Luna Lovegood emerged, trailing behind the rest of the class, a smudge of earth on her nose, and her hair tied in a knot on the top of her head. When she saw Harry, her prominent eyes seemed to bulge excitedly and she made a beeline straight for him. Many of his classmates turned curiously to watch. Ed stared at the weird girl. Luna took a great breath and then said, without so much as a preliminary hello, "I believe He Who Must Not Be Named is back and I believe you fought him and escaped from him."

"Er - right," said Harry awkwardly. Luna was wearing what looked like a pair of orange radishes for earrings, a fact that Parvati and Lavender seemed to have noticed, as they were both giggling and pointing at her earlobes. Ed, at least, made a valiant effort to hold it in.

"You can laugh," Luna said, her voice rising, apparently under the impression that Parvati and Lavender were laughing at what she had said rather than what she was wearing, "but people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"

"Well, they were right, weren't they?" said Hermione impatiently. "There _weren't_ any such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

Luna gave her a withering look and flounced away, radishes swinging madly Parvati and Lavender were not the only ones hooting with laughter now.

"D'you mind not offending the only people who believe me?" Harry asked Hermione as they made their way into class.

"If people like that believed what I said, I would seriously question my sanity," Ed said. He watched as Ernie Macmillan had stepped up to Harry and announced his allegiance to Dumbledore and support to Harry.

_Well, even if they are weirdos, at least they support him…_

Ed's second detention with Snape was hardly any better than the first. In the second detention, he cut the spines off puffer fish, preventing himself from flicking spines at the smirking Potions master.

"Is this how you scale a fish?" Snape sneered."Honestly, a retarded monkey could have done a better job."

"I'm sorry you can do a better job, _Sir_."

It was two o'clock when Ed reached the common room.

* * *

"Elric, I would like to have another word with you." Umbridge said at the end of her class on Wednesday. Ed ignored the questioning glances from Harry, Ron and Hermione and stalked to the front of the classroom.

"What," he snapped when everyone left, "I read the stupid book today."

"I was informed that you already received detention from Snape during the first week of school."

"So?"

"So how can I expect you to keep an eye on Potter if you're in detention with Snape?" Umbridge asked in a forced honeyed voice.

"Who cares, you have him in detention anyway."

"Elric, you are supposed to blend in like an ordinary student," Umbridge hissed, "not calling attention to yourself by insulting teachers and getting detention."

"If you wanted someone who could blend in, you asked for the wrong person."

"You don't have to be a soldier to know that your behavior is jeopardizing the mission," Umbridge said.

"I'm not an ass-kisser by nature," Ed countered.

"Then get used to it; Snape is POI, and it's harder to investigate him if he's suspicious of you already."

"Then let me see you deal with that slimebag!"

"Listen here, boy: you are going to do your job, and you're going to do it right. You cannot afford to get into anymore detentions with Snape, and I don't care if it means you have to shave his back every night for the rest of the school year, you will _not_ cause any more trouble. This mission will succeed."

The greasy haired man seemed to have made it his mission to insult Ed as much as possible during the few hours Ed spent in the dungeon; he even sensed that the man was trying to provoke him into attacking so he could get detention for the rest of his life. The next couple of detentions really tested the blond alchemist's patience and ability to maintain his temper. The only reason Ed came to detention on Friday with a smirk on his face was because he knew it would be the last detention for the week and the fact that the week was finally over and he would be able to get some serious research done in the library.

"So what joy-filled, exciting task do you have for me tonight?" Ed asked sardonically.

"You are going to disembowel these octopuses and take out their ink sacs."

"Nothing like gutting a cephalopod to get the weekend started," Ed muttered as he made his way to the crate in the middle of the dungeon. He examined the squishy contents of the barrel with a slight frown.

_Will this stuff get into my automail? Maybe I should transmute the cloth of the gloves into something more durable…_

Snape watched with boring black eyes as Ed pointed his wand at his hands and blue energy engulfed his gloves. Ed looked up and held Snape's glare with his intense gaze. It felt as if the man was trying to burn holes into Ed's head but the determined blond wouldn't back down. Still staring the man down, he grabbed an octopus out the barrel. In the span of about three seconds, he deftly sliced it open and pulled out the ink sac. The frown on Snape's face creased ever so slightly, but the dislike emanating from his eyes intensified. Ed smirked slightly and cocked his head a fraction of an inch to the left.

"Something wrong Professor?" Ed asked with an innocent tone.

"You're just as arrogant as Potter, Elric," Snape said with distaste.

"Should that be considered a compliment or an insult Sir?" Ed asked, barely keeping the laughter out of his voice.

"With such an inflated ego, it's only a matter of time before someone cuts you down…but I don't think it's possible for you to get any closer to the ground."

Ed caught himself, but not before Snape saw his involuntary twitch. The Potions master sneered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if your ego is the reason you can't grow..."

_This guy is actually worse than Colonel Buttwipe_ Ed mused. _He's using his position against me…_

"I can't help it if I'm self-confident, Sir," Ed replied with a strained smile.

"We will see where that self confidence lies when we start brewing poisons."

"…are you threatening to poison me Sir?"

"I won't," Snape said, "but I can't say what your partner may do..."

"I'm certain you won't allow me to die Sir," Ed drawled after finishing another octopus, "especially seeing how much the Headmaster seems to _trust_ you…"

Snape's cold eyes iced up. "How much the headmaster trusts me is none of your business, Elric."

_Oh yes it is…_

"But Sir," Ed replied in mock outrage, "I would _never_ poke my nose into your private affairs!"

"Make sure you don't_._"

Ed said no more.

_Don't have to; I already got what I wanted…_he thought with a smirk.


	11. Shadows of a Doubt

Kame: You guys are awesomeness! I apologize for taking so long with the revisions and whatever, but a big thank you goes out to all the folks who patiently waited for this, reviewed and/or added this story to their alerts/favorites.

Edit: I'm really sorry that I only had one chapter ready for you guys, but I've been...going through some stuff, for lack of a better word, and I was kinda tired of hanging onto this. Also, I'm curious as to what kind of reaction this chapter would garner so...

Btw does anyone know if the Hogwarts students wear their black cloaks during the weekend?

Chapter 11: Shadows of Doubt

Harry was in a good mood: the horrible week was finally over, he sent a letter to Sirius, and had a successful conversation with Cho Chang. True, the incident with the flying horse-thingy shook him up for a bit, but what's a flying horse compared to Cho Chang saying you're brave?

When he sat down to breakfast with Ron and Hermione, however, his morning was ruined by two pieces of news.

'_"The Ministry of Magic has received a tip-off from a reliable source that Sirius Black, notorious mass murderer… blah blah blah… is currently hiding in London!"'_ Hermione read from her half in an anguished whisper.

"Lucius Malfoy I'll bet anything," said Harry in a low, furious voice. "He did recognize Sirius on the platform…"

"What?" said Ron, looking alarmed, "You didn't say –"

"Shh!" said the other two.

"'…_Ministry warns_ _wizarding community that Black is very dangerous… killed thirteen people… broke out of Azkaban_ …'the usual rubbish," Hermione concluded, laying down her half of the paper and looking fearfully at Harry and Ron. "Well, he just won't be able to leave the house again, that's all," she whispered. "Dumbledore did warn him not to."

Harry looked down glumly at the bit of the _Prophet_ he had torn off. Most of the page was devoted to an advertisement for Madam Malkins Robes for All Occasions, which was apparently having a sale.

"Hey!" he said, flattening it down so Hermione and Ron could see it. "Look at this!"

"I've got all the robes I want," said Ron.

"No," said Harry. "Look… this little piece here…"

Ron and Hermione bent closer to read it; the item was barely an inch long and placed right at the bottom of a column. It was headlined:

TRESPASS AT _MINISTRY_

_Sturgis Podmore, 38, of number two, Laburnum Gardens, Clapham, has appeared in front of the Wizengamot charged with trespass and attempted robbery at the Ministry of Magic on_ _31st August._ _Podmore was arrested by Ministry of Magic watchwizard Eric Munch, who found him attempting to force his way through a top-security door at one o'clock in the morning. Podmore, who refused to speak in his own defense, was convicted on both charges and sentenced to six months in Azkaban_.

"Sturgis Podmore?" said Ron slowly. "He's that bloke who looks like his head's been thatched, isn't he? He's one of the Ord—"

"Ron, shh!" said Hermione, casting a terrified look around them.

"Six months in Azkaban!" whispered Harry, shocked. "Just for trying to get through a door!"

"Don't be silly, it wasn't just for trying to get through a door. What on earth was he doing at the Ministry of Magic at one o'clock in the morning?" breathed Hermione.

"D'you reckon he was doing something for the Order?" Ron muttered.

"Wait a moment…" said Harry slowly. "Sturgis was supposed to come and see us off, remember?"

The other two looked at him. Before he could explain anything else, however, Ed appeared, still rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning," he yawned, before grabbing a plate of sausages.

"Morning," Hermione replied stiffly. Ron grunted while Harry only nodded.

"What's wrong?" Ed asked. He then spotted the newspaper. "Can I see that?"

Hermione and Harry looked at the pieces of newspaper they had in their hands. Harry pulled out his wand, repaired the ripped paper, and handed it to Ed.

"We better go Ron," Harry said.

"Doing homework?" Hermione asked with a tinge of excitement.

Harry and Ron both looked uneasy.

"Well…it's a nice day out…" Harry started. Hermione's face fell.

"Oh, come on Hermione, the poor bloke hasn't been out all week!" Ron said.

Hermione pursed her lips and folded her arms. "Fine," she said, "but don't come to me Sunday night thinking I'm going to let you all copy off my notes. If you carry on like this you're going to fail your OWLS!"

"Oh, come off it Hermione," Ron said, "It's not like the library's open this early anyway!"

Ed's eyes shot up from the article.

"The library's still closed? When does it open?"

"About two," Hermione said.

"What time is it now?"

"I think it's about nine," Harry said. "Ron, we need to go now if you want to get some flying in before practice."

Harry and Ron made their way to the Quidditch pitch with their brooms slung over their shoulders.

"Don't let what Hermione said get to you mate," Ron said, "I'm sure she was just bluffing…"

Harry didn't respond.

"Are you still worried about Sirius?"

"Yeah, but…"

"He'll be fine as long as he stays inside. He won't disobey Dumbledore again."

"I know, but there's something else," Harry said.

"Well? What is it?" Ron asked.

"It's Ed," Harry said. "He gives off a weird…feeling or something…"

"Yeah," Ron said as they reached the Quidditch pitch, "he's _crazy_. Who else has the guts to call _Snape _out in front of his class?"

"Yeah, maybe it's that," Harry said.

_The Ministry of Magic has received a tip-off from a reliable source that Sirius Black, notorious mass murderer…is currently hiding in London…Ministry warns wizarding community that Black is very dangerous… killed thirteen people… broke out of Azkaban …_

"Hey Hermione," Ed asked, "What's up with this Black guy?"

Hermione gave Ed a wary glance before responding.

"He's a wizard rumored to be on You-Know-Who's side. He was the first person ever to break out of Azkaban."

"Did he break out on his own?"

"I think so."

Ed continued to scan the paper for more articles. He spotted a small article below an ad about a man being arrested for trespassing at the ministry.

_Man, do they have a lot of breaches in security here…what is the government doing?_

Ed rolled the newspaper up and tucked it under his arm.

"Are you heading back to the common room?" Hermione asked.

"May as well, since the library's closed," Ed muttered, stashing a few pieces of bread in his pocket.

"Are you about to do some homework?"

"I work alone," he said, turning away from the girl.

Ed entered Gryffindor Tower and headed to the dormitory. When he went through his trunk, he came across his letter to Al. Ed pulled out fresh parchment and rewrote it. When he finished, he read it over:

_Hey Al,_

_Sorry it took me so long to write back to you little brother. How are you? Are you OK? Is Mustang being a bastard to you? Remember, you have my permission to kick his ass if he does anything you don't like. Or better yet, just take a picture of him turning his paperwork into little origami animals, show it to Hawkeye and let her handle it. _

_Anyway, during the summer the Ministry set me up with a false school record and even made me take a test to make sure I knew some of this "magic." The whole time I was staying at this place called the Leaky Caldron and brought my "school supplies" (which include a whole range of books on weird "spells", crazy animal and plant parts I never heard of, and just plain stupid stuff like a cauldron, "wand" and robes) at some place called Diagon Alley. Not only does this place sell all the crap I mentioned above, they sell everything you would associate with witches and magic, like broomsticks (apparently they ride them…) and even owls (for delivering mail…) and cats. (No, you can't have a cat while I'm gone Al. I know you have one in the dorm. Put it out now) _

_I came to the school with Umbitch, some toady looking woman with a huge head. The school's a castle! The headmaster is some giant kook who looks like the wizards in the stories Mom used to tell us. There's something weird about the man. Actually, there's something fishy about this entire country; the government seems totally incompetent to the point where I'm surprised everything hasn't gone to hell yet. The strangest thing is I can't figure out how this alchemy works. It does things I've never seen or even thought alchemy could do, like make pictures move and transport people hundreds of miles through space in a short frame of time. I probably have had a constant migraine since I arrived trying to guess what kind of equations they came up with. I just hope I don't end up losing my mind and actually thinking that magic is real. _

_I haven't found anything that could help us yet Al. I know as soon as I can figure out the details of the alchemy here, I can find a way to fix our mistakes. _

_Tell everyone except Colonel Bastard I said Hi. Keep safe._

_Your big brother, _

_Ed_

Ed folded the letter over and alchemically sealed it. As he made his way through the portrait hole, he passed Neville sitting in the common room playing wizarding chess with Dean.

"Hey Neville, where can I get an owl to send this off?"

"The Owlery; it's a tower on the other side of the school. Um, you need to go down the hall…make a left and go through that door on the side…then there should be a hallway I think…"

Ed listened as Neville grew more and more doubtful about his own directions until Dean intervened.

"Neville, you're gonna have him lost for weeks! All you have to do mate is go down this hallway, make a right at the third bookcase you see. The hallway will split in two, but take the right side and take that path straight through."

"Thanks," Ed muttered on his way out.

…_OK, first, this Black guy broke out of prison, then the incident with Harry at the tournament, he and Dumbledore being discredited, and now this Ministry break-in. Could Black be behind most of what's going on? _

Ed came to the divide Dean mentioned and continued. Three steps later the hairs on the back of his neck were on end and he paused.

_Is another one of those freaky pearly spirit transmutations around?_

CRASH!

One step ahead of him was the remains of a bust scattered on the floor.

"Aw, me missed," a voice cackled, "but me can't be blamed cause the speck moved."

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN FLY ON A DUST SPECK!

Peeves zoomed out the passage, his laughter echoing in the hall.

"Annoying little bastard," Ed muttered under his breath. A grey skeletal cat appeared around his ankles, looked at the mess and gave him a loud meow.

"I'm not cleaning this up," Ed said bluntly. The cat turned around and trotted away, her tail high in the air. Ed shrugged his shoulders and continued. When he reached the Owlery, he looked up in amazement at the rafters, where owls of every color, shape and size imaginable were perched, hooting softly and grooming their feathers.

"OK, I need the smartest owl here to come down so it can deliver my letter," Ed shouted. Most of the owls ruffled their feathers at the loud intruder while others simply glanced at Ed and clicked their beaks in a disapproving way. A Tawny owl glared at him and hooted angrily.

"You," Ed said, pointing at the glaring owl, "come here so I can tie this to you."

The owl fluffed its feathers and gave Ed a defiant glare.

"Get down here Damnit!"

The owl turned tail and flew higher up in the rafters.

"Oh well," Ed sighed, reaching into his pocket, "I guess since there's no owl to deliver my letter, this bread crust in my pocket will have to go to waste."

The owl turned its head slightly and watched Ed pull the bread out his pocket.

"Too bad," Ed said, and then he shrugged his shoulders and took a bite. "Such good bread too. I guess I can appreciate a good free meal…"

The owl flew down to him and stuck out its leg reluctantly.

"Oh, so you changed your mind?" He tied the letters too tight around the owl's leg the first time, resulting in an angry hoot.

"Be still stupid owl!" Ed snapped. He re-tied the letter a second time and carried the owl to the nearest window. Ed watched the owl as it glanced at him impatiently.

"I want you to take this letter to my brother Al," Ed whispered. "He should be in Central City, Amerstris, if you know where that is. He should be in the military dorms or maybe hanging around Colonel Bastard's office."

The owl cocked its head to the side.

"If you can't find the place, fine but bring the letter back. Now hurry up and go," Ed said. The owl remained motionless.

"Oh yeah, forgot about the bread."

Ed handed the bread to the owl, which snapped it out of his hand and bit his human finger in the process.

"Hey you little-"

The owl soared out the window before Ed could get another word out. Ed sighed and watched the owl soar out of sight. A few darting figures from the Quidditch field caught his attention.

"This whole country is some sort of sick joke to make me go crazy," he muttered as he left the Owlery. "I hate the weird alchemy, the damn flying broomsticks, the stupid moving tapestry of trolls in tutus beating some idiot…"

Ed turned around and recognized a door on the wall.

"I don't…how did I end up here?"

Ed felt inexplicably drawn to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob.

_Don't know why I'm wasting my time…it's not like I'm going to find an alchemy lab in here…_

As much as Harry wanted to sleep in Sunday, he knew he had to get up and get started on the pile of homework threatening to overwhelm him. He groggily trudged down to breakfast accompanied by a yawning Ron and a well-awake Hermione.

"Nothing like waking up early to do essays," Ron grumbled as he poured some coffee.

"Well, if you can get more work done today, you'll be able to go to sleep tonight," Hermione said.

"Easy for you to say," Harry muttered, also handling a mug of coffee.

A moment later Ed trudged in and flopped down next to Ron.

"Pass that coffee over, will ya," Ed said while reaching for some bacon.

"Ed, are you…OK?" Hermione asked cautiously. Harry could see why she asked; Ed's bangs were disheveled and his face sagged with exhaustion. His golden eyes, however, were as sharp as ever. Ed chugged his coffee.

"I've felt better."

The blond alchemist smashed several pieces of bacon between two slices of toast and wrapped it in a napkin.

"See you."

The trio watched Ed leave.

"He looked a mess," Ron said.

"He didn't go to bed when we did," Harry said slowly, "and his bed was empty when we woke up. In fact, we didn't see him at all last night in the common room."

"He brought books down from the dorm; maybe he fell asleep while studying somewhere?" Hermione said.

"Hermione," Ron said after swallowing a mouthful of eggs, "I know Hogwarts is humongous and all, but how many places can you honestly go to and study all night with Filch on the loose?"

Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes. He didn't enjoy spending large tracts of time doing humongous piles of homework, and tonight was no exception. Professor McGonagall's Inanimatus Conjurus Spell essay was making his head throb and he vaguely wondered if he would have enough brain to even finish the essay. Before he could make another brave attempt on the assignment, there was a soft tap on the window.

Harry looked up to see an owl perched on the ledge, waiting for someone to let it in. When no one made a move, he volunteered, happy to have an excuse to put his quill down and move away from his homework. The owl swooped in and landed on the chair, hooting loudly and sticking his leg out. Noticing no one made a move to retrieve the letter, Harry took it and was surprised to see Ed's name on front.

"Is Ed here? He has a letter."

"How should I know?" Ron grumbled, "I've been doing this-" Ron made a wild gesture towards his essay, "-all day."

"Hermione, have you seen Ed around?"

"Not since breakfast," Hermione responded from her chair by the fireplace.

Harry shrugged, shoving the letter inside a pocket and turning grudgingly back to the table.

"Nearly done?" Hermione asked many hours later.

"No," said Ron shortly.

"Jupiter's biggest moon is Ganymede, not Callisto," she said, pointing over Ron's shoulder at a line in his Astronomy essay, "and it's lo that's got the volcanoes."

"Thanks," snarled Ron, scratching out the offending sentences.

"Sorry, I only-"

"You guys are _still_ doing homework?" Ed asked as he entered the common room. "What the hell were you doing this week, sleeping?"

"Why don't you mind your own business, you cheese colored midget?" Ron snapped. In the next moment, Ron was sputtering for air as Ed dragged him out of his chair by the scruff of his robes.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE CAN GET LOST INSIDE A SLICE OF SWISS CHEESE YOU POLKA DOTTED FREAK OF NATURE?

"Let him go!" Harry shouted as he struggled to pull Ed off. He grabbed his right fist to prevent him from punching Ron. When Harry felt the arm he gasped and to his surprise Ed released Ron. He gave Harry a hard look before heading to the dormitory.

"Damn nutter," Ron grumbled as he picked himself off the floor and scowled at Ed's retreating back.

Another tap on the window revealed a handsome screech owl. The trio stared at it for a moment.

"Wait…isn't that Hermes?" said Hermione.

"Blimey, it is!" said Ron quietly, throwing down his quill and getting to his feet. "What's Percy writing to me for?"

However, as the owl landed on their homework it reminded Harry of another. He ran to catch Ed at the top of the stairs.

"Hey Ed."

"What?" the blond answered warily.

"Here. It arrived a while ago."

Ed snatched the letter from Harry's hand and ripped it open. After reading, he rolled his eyes and started off down the stairs. Harry followed, finding Ron with a disgusted look on his face shoving his letter towards him and Hermione. After Harry read the letter he stared into the fire as the realness of his situation struck. Then one of the subjects of his thoughts flashed in the fire for the briefest of seconds.

"Harry?" said Ron uncertainly. "Why are you down there?"

"Because I've just seen Sirius's head in the fire," said Harry.

"Sirius's head?" Hermione repeated. "You mean like when he wanted to talk to you during the Triwizard Tournament? But he wouldn't do that now, it would be too - Sirius!"

There in the middle of the dancing flames sat Sirius's head, long dark hair falling around his grinning face.

_Mr. Elric,_

_Come down to my office as soon as you receive this notice. If anyone tries to stop you, tell them you have a detention with me._

_Professor Dolores Umbridge,_

_Senior Undersecretary to the Minister_

…_What could she want so late at night?_

Ed walked into Umbridge's office and sat on top of a desk.

"Good evening Mr. Elric," Umbridge said with her horrible smile. "I was under the impression I told you to come as soon as you received my message, not when you felt like it."

"Well, I wasn't around when the message was delivered. What do you want?" Eyeing the happy look on her face, he then said, "I hope this isn't an effort to seduce me; I'm only interested in women, not mutated humans."

"Now why would I seduce someone half my age and size?" she said with a girlish laugh.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN USE THE DIVISION SIGN AS A SEESAW!

"Mr. Elric that temper of yours will get you into serious trouble one day," Umbridge said, "especially with the power the minister recently granted me."

"What?"

"There were some parents who felt I wasn't getting the support I needed," Umbridge said, "so Fudge passed legislation that creates the post of Hogwarts High Inquisitor. This position allows me to inspect my fellow teachers and judge if they are really worthy of their positions."

"Or it allows you to target teachers you feel are too close to Dumbledore and legally get rid of them," Ed said. Umbridge's smirk stretched even more.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Umbridge replied lightly.

"Whatever. I assume you want me to investigate the teachers you find suspicious."

"Yes. Your intelligence certainly saves me time."

_What the fuck? She can't even give a decent compliment._

"Have you seen or heard anything suspicious from Mr. Potter?"

"The only thing I suspect of Harry is that he hates you…but then again, that's probably half the school."

"And I suspect you of only being four feet tall."

"I. am. _not_. SHORT!"

"Keep an eye on Potter, even if his lying problem is handled," Umbridge said with mirth. Ed frowned.

"What did you do to Harry?"

"I taught him a little lesson about being untruthful. You're dismissed."

Ed didn't budge.

"Did you hear me? I said you're dis-"

"I heard what you said you old hag," Ed said as he made his way to the door.

_Harry didn't act like there was something wrong…and as horrible as she is, not even Umbitch would risk losing her job just to punish Harry for something as stupid as an outburst…or would she?_

Ed gave the Fat Lady the password. He crawled in through the doorway.

_What if…she's really the one behind all that's happening? She isn't smart enough to do it all by herself, though, so maybe…_

Ed heard Harry's voice, followed by an unfamiliar, deep male voice.

_Who is Harry talking to?_

Ed edged against the wall and crept closer.

"Oh, that," the male voice said, "they're always guessing where I am, they haven't really got a clue-"

"Yeah, but we think this time they have," said Harry. "Something Malfoy said on the train made us think he knew it was you, and his father was on the platform, Sirius - you know, Lucius Malfoy - so don't come up here, whatever you do. If Malfoy recognizes you again-"

_Sirius…heard that name somewhere…_

"All right, all right, I've got the point," said Sirius. "Just an idea, thought you might like to get together."

"I would, I just don't want you chucked back in Azkaban!" said Harry.

_Azkaban? Wait, Harry's talking to Sirius? Sirius Black? The crazy murderer who escaped prison? Why would Harry talk to, let alone meet, with a murderer? Or is the Sirius guy really a killer? Could he be tied to Dumbledore in some way?_

_What the hell is going on here?_

Kame: I really feel like I'm finally getting the hang of integrating the actual HP storyline with my story. I'll go back and touch up a few spots here and there, but the story will march on.


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